Maybe this dead guy cares about your dream? |
(Based on a true story)
Before you tell me about your
bizarre dream let me just stop you to say that I’ve heard this one before. How you
get into a taxi but the driver is a chimpanzee. He tries to rip you off by
going through town hitting all the traffic lights instead of taking the
expressway. When you point this out he goes ballistic and showers you with a Colt45 he has between his legs (you
suspected he was drunk from the start)) and screams at you in Russian. So he
throws you out of the cab in front of a shabby X-rated movie house where your
parents are waiting in line along with your kindergarten teacher who is wearing
only a fishing vest and sensible shoes—not
an unflattering ensemble if the truth be told.
I could go on but I think you get
the point: all dreams are stupid and bizarre and no one since Freud wants to
hear about yours. Graham Greene supposedly kept a dream journal for much of his
life. I bet that is the biggest piece of shit in the history of fiction after 50 Shades of Grey (since I read about 20
pages I feel I am somewhat of an authority on that horrible book). If you start recounting your dream I will
have to invoke my XXXII Amendment rights which say that I can dump a bucket of
steaming offal on your head.
First of all, nobody does normal stuff in dreams. They don't just wake up, brush their teeth, have a
cup of coffee, and go to work. Secondly,
no one has ever had a dream that was interesting to another person. Never. Ever. You won't be the first, I promise. Even if you have huge boobs and a
winning smile I may pass out from boredom during your story and hit my head on
a coffee table and die. Do you want that on your conscience?
Why don't any of the books on your shelves have titles? Huh?
ReplyDeleteI just stuffed those notebooks in the cracks to keep the place from being so drafty.
ReplyDelete