In another essay
I wrote about how we could reduce horn honking
The first thing you must remember about driving in Spain is that
horns are not a way to warn people; they are used as weapons. Think of a horn
as the passive-aggressive version of punching someone in the face. I’ve
actually seen driving instructors encouraging their pupils to use the horn as a
tactical weapon. You absolutely never pass up an opportunity to lean on your
horn; if you show even a shred of restraint then you are failing as a driver—and
don’t ever confuse drivers with human beings because these are two very
separate life forms as people go through a transformation once they are under
internally-combusted power.
It’s like the old joke that Italians gesticulate so much when they talk that if you tie them up they are rendered mute. A horn is as essential to a Spanish car as the engine. This noise-making device gets as much usage as the tires.
After you learn that only indiscriminate use of your horn is permissible, the next lesson is just how much horn to apply in any given situation. This can be broken down into four applications.
It’s like the old joke that Italians gesticulate so much when they talk that if you tie them up they are rendered mute. A horn is as essential to a Spanish car as the engine. This noise-making device gets as much usage as the tires.
After you learn that only indiscriminate use of your horn is permissible, the next lesson is just how much horn to apply in any given situation. This can be broken down into four applications.
1 – Just a Brief Tap
Just tapping your horn is the method least used in street
situations, and is appropriate in only occasional and very narrowly defined
circumstances. I can’t list every case when a brief tap is adequate but here
are a few examples.
-To test your horn before you start driving. If your horn isn’t
working consider public transport.
-Someone in a wheelchair isn’t showing sufficient hustle in
clearing the crosswalk. Give them a tap for motivation.
-You want to say something to your child sitting in the passenger
seat beside you but they’re wearing headphones and doing their level best to
ignore you.
2 – A Good, Solid Honk (GSH)
If you aren’t honking like this a couple of dozen times every time
you get behind the wheel then you're doing it wrong. How else can you get your point across to
the jerk in front of you who hasn’t sent his vehicle in motion the split second
the light turns green…or even before? Constantly honking your horn is what
keeps traffic moving smoothly, and it’s what separates us from the animals. Not
honking when you have every right to honk is a sign of weakness that other
drivers will use to humiliate you. Don’t let that happen! A GSH is also used
to say hello to pedestrians and other drivers, and don’t worry about frightening
the bejesus out of unsuspecting passersby.
3 – A 2-3 Second Blast
Now it’s starting to get interesting. This is when you would really
like to knock someone out except that you are way too much of a coward to
confront anyone physically, so you let your horn do the punching for you. Allowing another driver to merge is almost never done here without a good, hard blast on the horn. Civility and driving just don't seem to mix.
4 – Just Go Ahead and Lean on that Damn Horn
This obnoxious paroxysm of rage is reserved for the most serious
offenses, but this doesn’t mean they are rare. Much like war crimes committed
during WWII, reasons to employ this method of horn honking are all around
you if you’re paying attention. Being stuck in traffic is no fun, but leaning on
your horn gives you something to do and perhaps the sound waves emitted from
dozens of angry horns will somehow push the jam along like a plunger releasing
a clogged drain. Leaning on your horn is the only way to address crimes
against humanity such as someone double-parked in front of you when you
want to leave. Sure, you’ve committed the same offense at least three times on
this same day, but rules are rules and you’re no maverick.