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Monday, July 23, 2018

Eco Palindrome of the Day

Save the world: ride a bike. Ride a bike: save the world.

P.S. My ponytail is coming in nicely. And if you really want to tidy up the planet, when you're finished on the bike, steam-clean a hippie.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Who Produces Producers?

I just watched the intro to a new series on HBO. At the end of the credits I had to rewind to be sure of what I had just seen. They list a co-producer, then another, then “produced by” some other asshole, then a consulting producer, then a co-executive producer, then three executive producers were listed together, and finally seven other executive producers each had their own screen for their personal glory. That’s 15 of these jerk-offs if you’re counting. My question is this: why do I as a viewer give a shit who the producers are? Answer: I don’t. So why would any sane person want to watch the intro to a series? At least with Gilligan’s Island they gave you a catchy tune.

In Spanish there is a lovely expression for when someone toots their own horn. They say that the person “no tiene abuela,” he doesn’t have a grandmother, because grannies are supposed to toot your horn for you. Obviously, Hollywood producers don’t have grandmothers.

If you want to be famous, be an actor.

Acabo de ver la introducción a una nueva serie en HBO. Al final de los créditos tuve que rebobinar para estar seguro de lo que acababa de ver. Enumeran un coproductor, luego otro, luego "producido por" otro gilipollas, luego un productor consultor, luego un productor co-ejecutivo, luego tres productores ejecutivos se enumeran juntos, y finalmente otros siete productores ejecutivos tienen cada uno su propia pantalla para su gloria personal Eso es 15 de estos idiotas si estás contando. Mi pregunta es esta: ¿por qué a un espectador le importa un comino quiénes son los productores? Respuesta: Nos importa una mierda. Entonces, ¿por qué una persona con cerebro querría ver la introducción a una serie? Al menos con Gilligan's Island te dieron una melodía pegadiza.

En español hay una expresión encantadora para cuando alguien se jacta de si mismo. Dicen que la persona "no tiene abuela" no tiene una abuela, porque se supone que las abuelas se jactan de ellos. Obviamente, los productores de Hollywood no tienen abuelas.

Friday, July 06, 2018

Musician's Notebook

A famous musician once said, “If I miss practicing one day, I know it; if I miss two days, my band knows it; and if I miss three days, my audience knows it.” Maybe I don’t have a band or an audience, and I wouldn’t even consider myself a musician, but I understand what the dude is saying.

Franz Liszt supposedly coined this but I heard it attributed to Sonny Rollins—it just sounds cooler coming from a jazz hipster. I don't even remember Liszt being in a band.

Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Musician's Notebook

Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos are over-played in every coffee shop and bookstore to the point that many people take them completely for granted, like some advertising jingle for a product they don’t buy. To keep yourself from being jaded by their ubiquity you only need to watch these performed to appreciate them for what they are: absolute genius.