Quantcast

Important Notice

Special captions are available for the humor-impaired.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Sunday Music Obsession



A guitarist friend turned me on to this little ditty and thus cured me of my ignorance of François Couperin. If you absolutely have to talk about music—as opposed to simply listening—this is all the description needed, “subtle and full of poetry.” 


The "barricades mystérieuses" old Couperin was talking about were bras. It turns out that he could never undo the clasp in the back and it drove the old guy bonkers.



Wednesday, May 09, 2018

Wait! What Did You Just Call Me?


Conversation with a friend while watching Valencia Club de Fútbol and drinking a couple of beers.

Friend: You look good. Have you lost weight?

Me: Not really. I’m about the same weight as I’ve been for a while.

Friend: You’ve been fatter.

Me: Thanks, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Thursday, May 03, 2018

Just Listen To Your Instincts



“Better late than never,” I’m here to say that “wise” old saying is bullshit. I think “never” very often beats out “late” for many things. For example, for whatever reason I finally felt compelled to read the instructions on my laundry detergent to determine how much I should put in each load. Before—in typical Me fashion—I would just slop in a very inexact and always varying amount. After reading the instructions on the bottle I still have no freaking idea because it says anywhere from one half to two caps of liquid detergent for a load, which was exactly how much I was dumping in before without measuring.

So yeah, “never” is definitely an option with regards to reading most instructions.

Tuesday, May 01, 2018

I Should Win Something



If they handed out Nobel Prizes for black bean soup they would’ve handed one to me today. They don’t hand out Nobel Prizes for black bean soup, right? If so can someone call them because I can’t find my phone? At first I thought I ruined it because I had a can of chipotle peppers so I put in half, but I thought, what the fuck will I do with half a can of chipotle peppers, and threw in the rest, then I tried it and thought it was too hot, but it wasn’t.