Proposed Fashion Obituaries

Pull your pants up and stop going to church.

·         I should preface this by saying that I think that fashion is just about the silliest human pursuit. Let’s face it, you could get a group of five year olds to design women’s dresses and people in Paris and New York would probably cheer their effort as the models made their way down the runway in Sponge Bob evening gowns. With that said, there were a lot of things in fashion back in the USA when I left that I hope have run their natural course, meaning they died agonizing deaths.

·        •  Exposed underwear for both men and women. If your underwear is hanging out you either need to get more pants or less ass.

·       •  Huge SUVs and pick-up trucks. This is just too obvious to explain in 2011, a time when America is blowing up half of the Middle East.

·         • Blaming immigrants for all of our problems. To paraphrase a slogan from the Spanish protests, “America’s problems don’t stem from people wading across the Rio Grande; they are being caused mostly by assholes riding around in limousines in New York and Washington, DC.

·       •   Reality TV shows. A guy can dream, can’t he?

·         • Theme restaurants. The Applebee-ization of vast swaths of the American culinary landscape must end. These places are to food what bad toupees are to hair. You are better off going hungry. The owner of your restaurant should live in your same zip code, or at least the same state. This goes for pretty much everything you consume, if it’s possible. I think that it’s worth it to spend a quarter more for a tube of toothpaste if it means keeping a Wal-Mart out of your community.

·         • Religious fanaticism. It’s funny how religious people think that they are all that is right with America. I defy anyone to point to a single societal problem that was fixed by religion. Prayer hasn’t done a damn thing to better the human condition so stop telling us to pray for something. Many of society’s problems are solved by government. So why are we so anti-government in America, especially when we are the government? Anti-government is an anti-democratic philosophy and most religions don’t have much use for true democracy.