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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

That's Entertainment?

So you think you can watch paint dry? Really, because this guy over here says he’s pretty good at it. In the spirit of entertainment how about if we have a little competition to see just who can watch paint dry the best? We’ll have our panel of celebrity judges decide the winner. Our gimmick is that one out of the three celebrity judges is dead. On tonight’s panel we have Carol Burnet, Abe Vigoda, and Ted Knight. Surprise! They are all dead. What’s that? Wait a minute, Abe is claiming that he isn’t dead although he isn’t making a very vigorous case for it. We'll give Abe the benefit of the doubt but we're keeping a close eye on him. Isn’t this show exciting!

America’s Next Top Wal-mart Greeter. We can’t all be top models although you’d never know that if you have ever talked to a group of teenagers—either they all are going to be top models or professional athletes or movie stars or just stinking rich.

Here’s an idea for a really dumb show: We have people who really don’t have a lot of talent but mostly look good sing songs we really didn’t like much when the original artist sang them? What? There already is a show like that? Shit, I was just kidding.

Or how about this one: “Celebrities are paired with professionals in a ballroom-dance competition, with one pair typically eliminated each week.” They are kidding, right? This is a real show and people are free to change the channel if they want, or is this show in China and they force everyone to watch it? Actually, Dancing with the Communist Party Chiefs might be fun. By “eliminated” maybe they mean executed. That also might make it fun and it sounds like it’s something they do in China.

OK, I’m just thinking out loud here but what about Celebrities and Housewives Wrestling? I think it would go over well among a certain portion of the viewing audience and it would be very tastefully done, of course.

*I realize that filing this under humor is being a bit generous but I don't know what else to do with it.