Conservative Travel Planning

The World Gets Even Smaller
 A whopping 77% of Spanish voters turned out for their latest election--that's what I call democracy! They turned out the ruling party and put the socialists back in power. A lot of people on the American right are now condemning Spain for giving in to terrorists. This is a silly argument when you consider that 92% of the Spanish people were against the war in Iraq from the beginning. Conservatives in the United States have added another enemy to their list: Evil Spain.

Countries that have traditionally been our staunchest allies are being called the vilest of names these days. Most of the insults having something to do with cowardice for not standing up to the terrorists, or Muslims, or Arabs (Aren’t they all the same anyway?). They are being called cowards by Americans most of whom can’t be bothered to show any heroics themselves. Why aren’t the Bush daughters in the military if their pop is so convinced this war is just and necessary? Most of the right-wing geeks probably think they are making a contribution to t he war effort sitting in front of their computer screens and spilling bile into the virtual sewer of the internet.

All of this enemy-making has drastically reduced the travel opportunities for the extreme right. France is definitely off-limits, Germany isn’t much better, and now Spain should be avoided. Better stay away from ‘Old Europe’ with its notions of socialized medicine, progressive tax structures, commitment to public education, and other dangerous notions that limit the freedom of the super-rich. Not that it was much fun to begin with but I’d stay away from Canada while you’re at it since they aren’t towing the party line these days.

The East and West coasts of our own country are bad news what with lots of people voting for Democrats. I think Disneyland is OK for you and the kids but just don’t talk to any Hollywood actors out there as they are all anti-war liberals. And be careful you don't come home married to a guy named Tony who has better hair than your wife. The truth is that you really shouldn’t venture outside of the red states in the center of the country. Not that you could actually afford to travel much outside of your home state since so many of you have lost your high-paying manufacturing jobs over the past few years.