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Sunday, January 29, 2017

The Worst Things in Life Are Free

This tree is an argument against adoption.


By the time you read this I may already be dead. Just to warn you in case you stop by my place and notice a horrifying stench coming from under the door which can only mean my rotting corpse or perhaps a very botched attempt at a curry. The cause of death will almost certainly be that I was impaled on the evil palm tree that I found in the trash and nursed back to health. I now realize that the previous owner tried to make this plant die a slow horrible death and it probably deserved that fate but I came along and commuted the sentence.

The tips of the fronds on this palm are as sharp as needles so it’s basically like having a knife tree in my house. I didn’t really consider this fact before I brought it in the door, somewhat overwhelmed by the spirit of rescuing a half-dead tree that stands about a meter and a half tall. I have it quarantined behind a bookshelf, as you can see, but the best place for it is probably inside of the dumpster.

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