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Tuesday, December 25, 2012


"Pope Prays for Freedom in China and Peace in Syria” Does the Pope pray when the waiter at the Olive Garden brings him the check or does he take out his purse like the rest of us?

Historians now theorize that Hitler had originally set out to pen a children’s book and not a hate-filled and racist manifesto.  They think that maybe his innocent work was transformed because the A and the T on his typewriter were broken or that perhaps he was just a really shitty typist.

I’ve had a backache the past few days and I don’t know how I did it. Someone suggested that I may have slept on it wrong.  I wasn’t aware that there was a right or wrong way to do it.  It didn’t take me too many little league baseball games or kindergarten art classes to realize that I wasn’t exactly overburdened with talent.  I have shouldered my mediocrity and carried it with a certain dignity bordering on pride at times. We can’t all be star athletes or award-winning scientists.  It’s not like I even give a shit that I never caught a touchdown pass for my high school team or mastered the piano well enough to give a concert, but to think that I can’t even sleep right has come as a crushing blow.  I wonder what else I may be screwing up.

The Muslims may have invented the concept of zero but in Arabic they have no word for “scantily-clad.”

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