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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Which One of You Slackers Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Among America’s rarified financial elite, $1 million might be enough for a grade schooler’s allowance but it’s a disgrace for any self-respecting robber baron. Add two or three more zeros to the end of that number and your TV show may spark their interest.  Who Wants to be a Bazillionaire?  Now you’re talking! Let’s begin tonight’s program.

1) With a range of 3,400 nautical miles at Mach 0.80, the Gulfstream G250 corporate jet has the capability to whisk away you and three of your board members—also under indictment for securities fraud—to the closest country without an extradition treaty with the U.S. Where would that be?

A) Brazil
B) Tunisia
C) Laos
D) Manhattan

Sure they make Marie Antoinette look like some sort of under-paid case worker for social services but they earned their money the old fashioned way: by creating all of the laws that allow them to accumulate huge swaths of our national wealth.  If they fail they get bailed out by the government. Pure genius!

2) How many $40 bottles of Bling Water® does it take to fill your bath?

A) 40
B) If you have to ask, you can't afford to bathe.
C) Is that sparkling or without gas?
D) $40 seems like a lot but remember that you get a nickel deposit on each bottle!

The 400 richest Americans now own more than the bottom 150 million Americans and 20% of the people own a remarkable 85% of our national wealth.

3) How long can America's richest citizens count on the support of the bottom 80% of wage earners?

A) Until the presidential election (yeah, right)
B) Until the rich decide to make new rules
C) As long as the poor keep believing they’re one lotto scratch away from being the Beverly Hillbillies.
D) Are we sure all those guillotines were destroyed?

Need a lifeline? You can make a call to Czar Nicolas II and family. No answer? Just let it ring.

3) This question was posed to Gordon Gecko in the movie Wall Street: How many yachts can you water-ski behind?

A) 1
B) More than 1
C) “Don't I pay someone to water-ski for me?”
D) Find out the record number of yachts someone has water-skied behind and simply add one more yacht. Do we have to do everything for you?

And now for the final question.

2) How much is enough?

A) Can you repeat that, I was busy demeaning my servants.
B) Is this a trick question?
C) More than I already have, that's for damn sure.
D) Everything seems just about the right amount.

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