They aren’t like us at all. Have you ever noticed the things they eat? Disgusting stuff not really fit for humans. Just watching them at mealtime is enough to make a decent person ill. And how about those filthy hovels where they sleep? Who knows what kind of vermin live with them? Those vulgar noises they make don’t even sound like communication. They breed like rats. I think we should have forced sterilization for the whole lot of them. They are cute enough when they are little, but when they grow up they are lazy and good for nothing. I wish I had a dog.
If you have a dog it is like being a rock star and the dog is your groupie. Everyone wants at least one groupie. Your dog loves you more than any teenage girl loves Ricky Martin. If you would let him, your dog would hang posters of you in his dog house. Your dog would call an 800 number and pay $5.95 a minute to hear stuff about your personal life. Hell, he’d tattoo your name on his butt if he had an allowance.
Dogs rarely screw you over. They don't lie or steal. You have never been fired by a dog. Admit it, you felt worse when you got dumped by that bimbo than you did after your dog destroyed your leather sofa. You still curse and spit when you hear her name, but thinking about that ravaged $3,500 couch makes you chuckle two years later. Stupid dog.
If you were a company, your dog would win employee of the month, every month. He’s your right hand man. She’s your girl Friday. It’s your best friend and you’re definitely its best friend. Your dog is your faithful assistant. He’s your simple-minded side-kick. You're Mav and he's Goose. On top of that, he’s a chick magnet.
If it weren’t for you he’d have to go back to taking down young or injured members of the animal kingdom for his livelihood. He still thinks about that whenever he sees one of the neighborhood kids with a cast on their leg. His back-up plan isn’t too far on the back burner, but for now he’s pretty happy with the dog food in the big bags. Dog food isn’t nearly as messy, and there are no screams of agony. Dogs definitely don’t miss that really sad part where the mothers of their prey stand on the perimeter and watch them eat. It’s enough to put a dog off his appetite—almost.
The working relationship between man and dog has been going rather well for all these thousands of years even though the dogs aren’t doing a lot of working these days. They used to work but then they started this propaganda campaign against hunting. Hunting is barbaric, hunting is wrong. Who do you think started that? You think dogs enjoy getting up at 5 A.M. to go help some dork with an Elmer Fudd hat shoot another animal? Advances in eye treatment will soon free dogs from their seeing-eye dog responsibilities as well. Then their only job will be to lie on the kitchen floor waiting for food to fall off the table.
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If you can't say something nice say it here.
If you can't say something nice say it here.
#1
And in the end; no heart transplant, chemo therapy or expensive treatments to sustain life. Just adios, and two to the back of the head. Priceless.
deadair
And in the end; no heart transplant, chemo therapy or expensive treatments to sustain life. Just adios, and two to the back of the head. Priceless.
deadair
#2
deadair, are you nuts? People are spending more than ever on pet care. Chemotherapy and hip replacements, etc. It's tough to find a large animal vet nowadays because pet vet is a much more lucrative field. FWIW Lefty, Dogs suck. And mooch. And beg. And they'll take abuse for a free meal. Something no cat would ever do. Observe a coyote for five minutes in the wild and you'll see what a subservient lump of poo the average domestic dog is.
kevin m.
deadair, are you nuts? People are spending more than ever on pet care. Chemotherapy and hip replacements, etc. It's tough to find a large animal vet nowadays because pet vet is a much more lucrative field. FWIW Lefty, Dogs suck. And mooch. And beg. And they'll take abuse for a free meal. Something no cat would ever do. Observe a coyote for five minutes in the wild and you'll see what a subservient lump of poo the average domestic dog is.
kevin m.
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