Today is June 1, 2004. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Either that or it’s the last day of all of your life up until today. Either that or it’s just another day, a day like any other. A day of such relentless tedium and mediocrity that you wonder what drives you on to live another day. Or maybe today will be remarkably unlike any other day that has ever occurred. Maybe today will be the most famous day in all of history. That would certainly be exciting. I can hardly wait.
A more likely scenario will be that today is just another drop of water that makes its way to a stream, which runs into a river, which flows into the sea. The drop will evaporate into the air and come down again as a drop in a very Ecclesiastical fashion (the upper case biblical Ecclesiastical). From whence days come, thither they flow again or however it goes.
So today probably won’t be all that memorable in the whole scheme of mankind and the universe or whatever. Today will be incredibly similar to countless other days. Sun comes up, sun goes down. People are born, people die. Baseball season ends, Mariners don’t make playoffs, etc. If life is a river why can’t I swim over to the bank and take a nap? I’ll catch up later. Either that or I can just get back in the next time everyone comes floating by.
This all seems more like a merry-go-round than a flowing river; a merry-go-round with those crazy horses that scare the living crap out of kids. Sometimes the crazy merry-go-round of life seems to go really slowly and other times it is going so fast you feel like you need to hang on for dear life. So far, today feels like it is going to be one of those days where the carnival ride of life isn’t going to be all that thrilling, to put it mildly.
Oh my God, is it still today? It seems like it should be tomorrow already--tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Maybe today just seems to be dragging because I don’t have a TV? If I had a TV I could watch an old Steven Segal Movie or a talk show and it would almost be tomorrow instead of the very middle of today. If I’m supposed to be floating down the river of life then maybe I’m stuck on a sand bar. My butt really hangs low in the water so maybe I need a bigger inner tube?
Wait a second. Today is June 2nd. That’s more like it. It already is tomorrow. Time flies when you’re having fun. I feel like I am caught up in a veritable whirlwind of excitement and drama. This is great. What a life I have! I need to get busy. There is so little time. I feel like I am shooting the rapids. Hang on for dear life.
If I have time today I am going to go out and buy the biggest fucking TV you ever seen. I might have to get a bigger apartment while I’m at it. Then I am going to buy the entire DVD set of Steven Segal’s movies. Then I am going to watch every damn one of them. Life is too precious to waste. I’m not a life waster, I’m a life saver. Maybe I’ll wait until tomorrow to get my TV. I don’t have any plans for tomorrow. Tomorrow, or better yet, the day after tomorrow.
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