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Monday, June 14, 2004

A Close Brush with Tedium and Pointlessness

You almost made it. You were almost able to click on this page and not have to wade through another tedious, pointless essay. I almost closed the lid on my laptop and called it quits. But I didn’t close the lid on my laptop and call it quits. I have decided to crank out another essay that I would like to think is more pointless than tedious, but I’ll let you be the judge.

Not that one of my essays can’t be both tedious and pointless, if anyone has the talent to pull that off I can. It could be both, in equal parts. It could be completely pointless and mind-numbingly tedious. I may have accomplished that feat already only one hundred and something words into this misguided foray into the written word.

If I had to choose I would rather write something that was pointless but not tedious. You can entertain while being pointless, if you don’t believe me just watch CNN, but CNN is only entertaining if you realize that it is pointless. If you actually think CNN is a news source then it is no longer entertaining; then it is pointless and tedious.

I came across a report put out by the Bureau of Mines that I had to bring to your attention. In the study it is estimated that by the year 2008 the national per capita annual consumption of coal will reach 1.8 metric tons. This increase is due almost entirely to the electricity needed to fuel the growing number of tanning salons across the country. The Commerce Department has decided to place a tax on tans to help pay for the extra electricity consumption. Ethnic and racial minorities will be required to get a note from their mothers to be eligible for a tax exemption.

That isn’t what my essay is about because that isn’t a joke worthy of an essay. But what if I told you that in today’s Wall Street Journal an economist at Salomon Brothers has estimated that Americans spend 2.3 Trillion dollars annually on products and processes that make them more fake. These products that make people more fake include, fake nails, fake tans, fake boobs, fake eye lashes, fake hair, scalp paint, fake hair colors, and so on. If you use more than three products that make you fake may I suggest one of those fake novelty moustache, nose, and glasses instead? You will save a ton of money and you will achieve your goal of people not being able to recognize you when you go out in public.

That isn’t what this essay is about either because that is probably dumber than the first attempt at humor. Let me start over.

I saw a bumper sticker on an old Volkswagen bus the other day that said “Free Tibet.” Now I know that Tibet is kind of a crappy old country but I don’t think we should be able to get it for free. I think we should at least trade them something for it even if we don’t feel like forking over any cash.

La tierra es de quien la trabaja. Zapata

I saw that on a t-shirt for a Santa Fe bar. That was the most profound thing I had come across for the entire day. It’s not like I wasn’t trying. I am rereading Cormac McCarthy’s Border Trilogy (If you don’t speak pretty good Spanish I would think that McCarthy’s books would be rather bewildering), I read some news both online and in print, I listened to some music, played some music, and yet the deepest thought I ingest for the day is a quote on a t-shirt.

Final thought:

It is only June 14th, it’s not even summer. Doesn’t everyone in the country still sleep under cotton sheets and a heavy down comforter? Doesn’t your building still have the heat on at night? Where is that wool sweater of mine, the turtleneck? Isn’t it a great day to go see a movie in out of the rain? I see the sun peaking out from beneath those heavy clouds. Better lather on some sun block before leaving the house. Don’t forget to take a jacket!

10th floor reading room. Posted by Hello

This is a shot of the new Seattle public library. It has been called the first library of the 21rst century. I like tha sound of that. Click on the image to imbiggen.

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