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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Tune in Tomorrow

(or the next day)
I’m going to do my taxes today, or maybe tomorrow, but almost certainly the day after that. What are they going to do, throw me in jail? Wait a minute; I think they actually can throw you in jail for procrastinating on your taxes. Most things you can put off pretty much indefinitely without much in the way of consequences. Most businesses have late fees to discourage procrastination but only the Internal Revenue Service has come up with the very effective deterrent of jail sentences. 

So unless you are threatening me with a stretch in prison don’t expect me to get too excited about whatever it is you have for me. That Alumni fund donation is certainly the lowest priority in my life but I’ll get around to it eventually--maybe tomorrow. I call this sort of tasking strategy “Mañana-ization.” This word comes from the Spanish word ‘mañana’ meaning tomorrow and ‘ization’ meaning…how the fuck do I know? Do I look like a dictionary? Look it up yourself. 

Bill paying seems to be the area most affected by this mañana-ization process, at least with me. It’s not that I lack the funds to take care of my bills, but it is just so much work to write the checks and put them in stamped envelopes. I keep meaning to get on-line bill paying, but it’s probably too late to do that today. I do have a very organized system for keeping track of my bills: I just leave them in the mailbox until I finally get around to paying them. 

I wanted to get a few answers about this mañana-ization thing so I thought the philosophy faculty at the University of Washington might be able to help me out. They told me that although this problem has definite philosophical implications they were all too busy at the moment. They are still desperately trying to solve the age-old riddle of whether or not if a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there, does it make a sound. After three and a half years and with the help of a $100,000 grant from the Annenberg Foundation they have only been able to determine that when a tree falls in the forest and there is no one around, the tree almost always falls on the tape recorder. They told me to call back tomorrow or the next day. Not a good sign. 

I did manage to speak with someone in the psychology department. I asked if it was true that procrastination comes from a fear of failure, that you put off things because it prevents you from dealing with your inadequacies. The professor’s response was direct and to the point. “What? You’re afraid of failure so you put off mailing in your phone bill for weeks? Maybe you're just a lazy slob who needs to get off his ass and live your life. Are those pajamas you're wearing? It’s four o’clock in the afternoon!” I thanked the professor for his time and shuffled out, being careful not to lose my footing in my slippered feet. I was going to change into appropriate clothes but I figured that I was just going back to bed in a few hours anyway. 

And then it dawned on me. The mañana-ization syndrome is just taking shortcuts. Like lying around in your pajamas all day to save time when you go to bed the next night, leaving your bills unpaid really just saves you time. They will just double-bill you next month so why bother? So yes, Mister College Professor of Psychology, I’m lazy—lazy like a fox.

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