Back to School

About two times a year I go on a bender to try and improve my proficiency in the French language. This has been a life-long struggle, like someone trying to overcome obesity or trying to quit smoking. Anyone who has ever learned a foreign language can attest to the fact that this is a difficult task. Anything short of living in the host country for at least five years is a tough way to learn. Even when you live in another country, becoming fluent is tough and takes lots of work. I live with a piano but that don’t make me Liberace.

A few things about France. If there is any doubt in your mind as to whether or not France is one of the most beautiful places in the world you should be watching the Tour de France on TV. The race itself is a beautiful spectacle, lots of colors and cool bikes. The peloton winds through countless villages, any one of which, if picked up and dropped in the U.S, would be the hottest tourist destination in our country. France is lousy with heart-breakingly picturesque countryside.

There was a picture in Sunday’s sports section of the main peloton of cyclists cruising along a country road during the Bagnoles-de-l’Orne to Avranches stage. A very majestic cow stands in an adjacent field watching the riders. The picture says to me that even being a cow in France isn’t such a bad thing. They give you a beautiful field in which to graze and every once in a while the Tour de France pedals by on a summer day. Sure, the cow will be on some Frenchman’s plate some day but eventually the clock runs out on all of us. If you’re a cow you could do worse than ending up in the loving hands of some French chef.

I happen to think that Paris is the greatest city in the world. Even if you ignore the astounding wealth of history Paris has to offer it would still be a great place to live. There is more life at one intersection in Paris than in some fairly large cities in which I have lived. Living in Paris has always been a dream of mine but life has conspired against me thus far. That may soon change.

I don’t have any grand strategy for learning French. When I go on one of my benders I usually pick up a novel in French and grind it out with a dictionary. Everyone says that getting a French girlfriend is the easiest way. I tried that and all I learned was, “J’ai besoin de plus de l’espace, salaud.”(I need more space).

There was a recent study that suggested that people who learn foreign languages are less likely to get Alzheimer’s. I don’t know if I buy that or not but at least it will be cool when I’m babbling incoherently in several tongues.