The Meat of the Matter

Guys, what if you woke up tomorrow morning to find that you were living in a society that had decided that your penis was too small? This is assuming that you don’t feel that way already. From this day forward the thought that you were ill-equipped would gnaw at you with feelings of self-consciousness and shame. Everywhere you looked you would see images of “real men” with society-pleasing bulges: billboards spilling over on to freeways, TV commercials plopping in your face, magazine articles practically rising up off the page.

You could wallow in your modest manhood or you could take the bull by the horn. You could submit to costly and painful surgical techniques that could add as much length and width as you cared to endure. All of the Hollywood guys have already done it. Would you go under the knife to blend in and restore your self-esteem?

Welcome to the world that U.S. women inhabit. Fake boobs are so de rigueur that it is hardly possible to have a career in movies or TV, even news programs, unless the female applicant is willing to undergo surgery to correct her non-Hindenburg jugs. If she chooses not to have implants she will probably lose out to the gal who did.

If you lived in a society where every time you opened your eyes you were practically assaulted with images of men who could trip over their own dinkies, you would probably begin to feel inadequate. This is the true goal of advertisers—not to make you want something so much as to make you feel inadequate for not having it.

Looking in my e-mail junk box I noticed several that pertained to penis enlargement. One preposterous subject line read: Get a Horse Cock! I decided that enough is enough so I sent a reply. I wrote that the human male has the largest penis, proportionally, in the animal kingdom so a horse penis would be a step down. Touché, engage the wit of Leftbanker at your peril. I could image these cretins reeling at my vitriol. My junk e-mail now comes in at a rate of about 10,000 per day. Note to self: when it comes to junk mail, never get out of the boat.