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Monday, February 13, 2017

Trump Campaign Promises that Don’t Sound Half Bad

  1.    Said he would stop Nicolas Cage from making any more movies. Please, Mr. President, make him stop!

  2.    Vowed to repeal draconian “No shirt, no shoes, no service” laws although the president feels that America isn’t quite ready to abandon its prohibition against no pants in public.

3.    Swore to eliminate discriminatory societal views towards older, dumpy men married to young, beautiful women. What a brave warrior!

4.    Deportation orders delivered within 30 minutes or they are free.

5.    Give honorary Ph.D.s in political science from Trump University to everyone who voted for him. If it worked for the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz, perhaps it can do the same for 40 million poorly-educated red staters.

6.    Officially change the name of his hair dye to “Corn Dog Yellow.”

7. Single payer health care. OK, he never said that but if he advocates for that option I swear I would vote for him next time.

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