1. Said
he would stop Nicolas Cage from making any more movies. Please, Mr. President, make him stop!
2. Vowed to repeal draconian “No shirt, no shoes, no service” laws although the
president feels that America isn’t quite ready to abandon its prohibition
against no pants in public.
3. Swore
to eliminate discriminatory societal views towards older, dumpy men married to
young, beautiful women. What a brave warrior!
4. Deportation
orders delivered within 30 minutes or they are free.
5. Give
honorary Ph.D.s in political science from Trump University to everyone who voted for
him. If it worked for the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz, perhaps it can
do the same for 40 million poorly-educated red staters.
6. Officially
change the name of his hair dye to “Corn Dog Yellow.”
7. Single payer health care. OK, he never said that but if he advocates for that option I swear I would vote for him next time.
7. Single payer health care. OK, he never said that but if he advocates for that option I swear I would vote for him next time.
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