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Monday, August 22, 2016

Lesser Known Works of the Grand Masters: The Catalogue

It is our honor here at Madrid’s Museo Nacional Centro de Arte Reina Sofia to present one of the most talked about collections in our museum’s illustrious history, Lesser Known Works of the Grand Masters: From Prehistory to the Present (If you can even call that new crap art).

- The Last Breakfast by Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519 Italy) oil on canvas

Depicts Jesus our savior clad in his underwear having a cup of coffee in the kitchen while reading the sports section.

- Wally by Michelangelo Buonarroti (1475-1564 Italy) sculpture in marble

Sculpted years before his more famous marble masterpiece of the biblical hero David, the young Michelangelo chose as his model Wally Delvecchio, a tubby middle-aged janitor at his art school. This was the first recorded representation of man-boobs in all of the long history of art.

- Early American Road-kill by Norman Rockwell (1894-1978 USA) oil on canvas

Twice rejected by the Saturday Evening Post, this painting details a classic American family’s reaction to the death of their pet cat which has recently been flattened by the Wells Fargo Wagon.

- Various Cleaning Products by Andy Warhol (1928-1987 USA) screen printing

Warhol became the first artist to elevate to the status of pop art the bottles of mostly toxic crap we keep in the cabinet under the kitchen sink.

- Neighborhood Punks Spilling Paint in Driveway by Jackson Pollock (1912-1956 USA) oil on concrete

Thought to be the first work in Pollock’s move into abstract expressionism and based on a real incident of vandalism after the artist forgot to lock his garage which he was then using as his studio during his “paint by numbers” phase.

- Peasant Boy Picking at Small Pox Scab by Rembrandt van Rijn (1606-1669 Holland) oil on wood

Completed during Rembrandt’s apprenticeship period with Pieter Lastman in Amsterdam, the work was given as a gift to a woman the youthful artist was courting at the time. She promptly nailed the work backwards to an interior wall of her bedroom to block a draft. The painting was only rediscovered in 1989.

- Turdhenge by unknown (ca 3500 BC) photography exhibit

Situated in Wiltshire, England, near its much more famous architectural cousin but predating Stonehenge by perhaps 1,000 years, these monuments reaching heights of over 5 meters where made with compacted and dried human feces.

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