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Thursday, April 28, 2016

Today's Special

“Today’s special is traditional Fettuccine Alfredo with farm-fresh butter, heavy cream, and Parmesan. The second course is a breaded and deep-fried pork cutlet with broccoli in a blue cheese sauce.”

“I’ll just have a plain green salad with vinegar and lemon juice. No oil, please,” the chubby guy says to the waiter.

“Wow! You’re really serious about your new diet,” says the chubby guy’s friend as the waiter walks away from the table.


“Yeah, I need to lose about 50 pounds, at least. I’m sick of wearing only white clothes because they make you look thinner. All of my clothes are white. Evidently, this white suit isn’t white enough because I look like a tub of guts in it.”

“White? Black makes you look thinner, you idiot.”

“Really? Shit!” 

The chubby guy immediately leaps to his feet to get the waiter’s attention with absurdly frantic gesticulations worthy of someone with semaphore flags signaling distress on the bow of a sinking ship in high seas. The startled waiter returns to the table expecting some dire emergency.

“Can I change my order?” the chubby guy begs.

“Of course.”

“I’ll have the special.”

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