First of all, try not to over-think this too much by
feigning some illness you read in a Stephen King novel. Just like back when you
were in school it’s better to stick with the tried and true classics. Remember
to make the call from home and not in a crowded bar with a bunch of drunks
belting out a teary national anthem. People tell me to DVR it but I’m
forced to watch the games in bars because I tell everyone I can't afford a TV. The truth is that my bar bill for the games thus far would
be enough to send one of my non-existent children to Yale for four years and we
aren't even finished yet. A friend says he’ll watch the game at
work on his iPhone which I don’t think is too cool seeing how he drives a
school bus—the only job he could get because he’s on probation.
So if you’re looking for an excuse to duck out of work
just rely on one of these timeless originals:
1) Diarrhea. This is always a conversation stopper and
I guarantee if you use this excuse there won’t be any follow up questions. The
only response you’re likely to hear is “Eew!” before they hang up on you.
2) Dead Grandparent. This one is also bullet-proof
even if you’ve used it a few times because people don’t know how many
grandparents you have in our divorce-prone society.
3) Had to take child to the emergency room. A great
one if you have kids, but it will elicit a lot of unwanted attention in the form
of condolences about your precious baby when you just want to concentrate on
the damn game and forget about the little monster for 90 minutes. Seriously, is
that asking too much out of life?
4) Play dumb. “What? I had to work today?” Works best
if you actually are stupid.
For some reason this is my all-time most viewed post.
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