A question for anyone who stays
up all night watching infomercials: Is there some sort of Ronco® gadget for
cleaning artichokes? Because if there is such a thing as an artichoke cleaning
gadget and I just wasted 30 minutes in the kitchen cleaning freaking artichokes
then I think I’ll throw myself under one of the parades here in Valencia—suicide
by marching band.
OK, Ronco® doesn’t make this
gadget because I just looked on their website, no kidding. That’s how much
cleaning artichokes sucks. And I know what you’re thinking, “Maybe you’re doing
it wrong?” which is a pretty safe assumption seeing how you could ask the same
thing about everything I do.
On my deathbed* I’m sure that I’ll
regret cleaning all those artichokes over the years when I should have gone out
and made something of my life besides arroz
con costillas y alcachofas. Enough artichokes to make a medium paella
leaves you with enough waste to fill a body bag meant for Pau Gasol.
*A bed isn’t my first choice of
places where I’d like to die because it implies illness. I’d rather be eaten by
a shark than be sick for more than a couple days. Sharks gotta eat too.
I have a secret for doing this work less tedious. Every artichoke I clean pays a thin slice from its base. And I eat it immediately. For me is like a delicious "aperitivo" and nobody notice it.
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