Give Til It Hurts

I would venture to say that Seattle has more than its share of panhandlers. If you have lived in this city for any length of time you have probably come across a guy I refer to as Goldilocks. Goldilocks is about 50 years old, short, and a bit pudgy. His most distinctive feature is the home-made wig he wears. This artificial hairpiece looks like he glued together a bunch of cotton balls and combed them out into dreadlocks. Goldilocks looks to be about one half Buddy Hacket (RIP) doing a bad Marilyn Monroe impersonation and one half Forrest Gump (or the Sling Blade dude).

I ran into Goldilocks just yesterday in downtown Seattle. He/she held up a piece of white, lined paper with a note scribbled in pencil. The handwriting looked like that of a second grader not under the strict supervision of a Catholic school nun; either that or he wrote it with his left hand. The note said something about how Goldilocks needed some change to catch a bus. It was a beautiful day perfect for a long walk and I said as much to Goldilocks. He immediately turned away either to heed my advice or to solicit the help of a more generous soul to make his dream of riding Seattle’s mass transit come true.

Panhandlers come in all shapes and sizes. They seem to be territorial creatures. You have everything from the Capitol Hill hipsters looking for money for art supplies or bus fare back to Portland to the Ballard Bridge trolls with signs reading “Please help, God bless” scribbled on odd bits of cardboard.

I believe that our government should help all of our citizens who need help and therefore I rarely give money to people in the street. Besides, what if the person asking for a hand-out, although appearing down-and-out, is in fact some sort of “hippie” who will use the money to score “dubage” or “weed”? What if that “hippie” then goes on some “refer-induced" criminal rampage? It could happen. Granted, people high on pot are never violent but would you want to be partially responsible for a “hippie” shoplifting a pint of Phish Food from the local QFC?

What about the guy who has the sign that says “Need $ 4 Beer”? I can go along with that but what if instead of buying a case of Bud Ice cans and winding up face-down in his own filth like he promised, he buys a mocha frappuchino from Starbucks? I don’t know about you but I can’t be a part of that. It’s just plain wrong.