DIY vs The Food Industrial Complex

I had a momentary fit of laziness and bought a jar of mayonnaise from the supermarket. It was almost sickly sweet and didn’t have any of the fullness and richness of the stuff that I make at home. My mayo is so good that you could eat it like ice cream.

My ingredients:

1 raw egg

Cup of extra virgin olive oil

¼ cup of sunflower oil

3 cloves of garlic I mash in a mortar

1 shot of Vinegar

Tsp of Dijon mustard

Pinch of salt

Some other spice according to my whim. I used pimentón and a pinch of chili powder in my last batch

That is it. There are no chemicals, no weird stuff. Then I looked at the label of the store bought crap.

Sunflower Oil 65% - *Your guess is as good as mine concerning the other 35%. Motor oil? Baby oil?

Xanthan gum - *WTF? From WIKI - Polysaccharide with many industrial uses and food additive. Effective thickening agent to prevent ingredients from separating. Derives name from the species of bacteria used, Xanthomonas campestris. I like my gum to be named after bacteria.

May contain traces of mustard and milk - *I don’t really know what this one means. It may contain them if the guy who adds traces of mustard and milk showed up for work that day?

Eco Palindrome of the Day

Save the world: ride a bike. Ride a bike: save the world.

P.S. My ponytail is coming in nicely. And if you really want to tidy up the planet, when you're finished on the bike, steam-clean a hippie.

Who Produces Producers?

I just watched the intro to a new series on HBO. At the end of the credits I had to rewind to be sure of what I had just seen. They list a co-producer, then another, then “produced by” some other asshole, then a consulting producer, then a co-executive producer, then three executive producers were listed together, and finally seven other executive producers each had their own screen for their personal glory. That’s 15 of these jerk-offs if you’re counting. My question is this: why do I as a viewer give a shit who the producers are? Answer: I don’t. So why would any sane person want to watch the intro to a series? At least with Gilligan’s Island they gave you a catchy tune.

In Spanish there is a lovely expression for when someone toots their own horn. They say that the person “no tiene abuela,” he doesn’t have a grandmother, because grannies are supposed to toot your horn for you. Obviously, Hollywood producers don’t have grandmothers.

If you want to be famous, be an actor.

Acabo de ver la introducción a una nueva serie en HBO. Al final de los créditos tuve que rebobinar para estar seguro de lo que acababa de ver. Enumeran un coproductor, luego otro, luego "producido por" otro gilipollas, luego un productor consultor, luego un productor co-ejecutivo, luego tres productores ejecutivos se enumeran juntos, y finalmente otros siete productores ejecutivos tienen cada uno su propia pantalla para su gloria personal Eso es 15 de estos idiotas si estás contando. Mi pregunta es esta: ¿por qué a un espectador le importa un comino quiénes son los productores? Respuesta: Nos importa una mierda. Entonces, ¿por qué una persona con cerebro querría ver la introducción a una serie? Al menos con Gilligan's Island te dieron una melodía pegadiza.

En español hay una expresión encantadora para cuando alguien se jacta de si mismo. Dicen que la persona "no tiene abuela" no tiene una abuela, porque se supone que las abuelas se jactan de ellos. Obviamente, los productores de Hollywood no tienen abuelas.

Musician's Notebook

A famous musician once said, “If I miss practicing one day, I know it; if I miss two days, my band knows it; and if I miss three days, my audience knows it.” Maybe I don’t have a band or an audience, and I wouldn’t even consider myself a musician, but I understand what the dude is saying.

Franz Liszt supposedly coined this but I heard it attributed to Sonny Rollins—it just sounds cooler coming from a jazz hipster. I don't even remember Liszt being in a band.