The Chinese Community in Spain

There’s a corner café near my house staffed by an older Chinese couple who work every day, all day, from about seven in the morning until ten or eleven at night. I have lived in this neighborhood for four years and they have never had a vacation unless their vacation coincided with one of my many holidays. I doubt this is the case because I have never been by this place when they weren’t working. The woman—who appears to be somewhere between 40 and 60—is about half bat-shit crazy from spending so much time locked up in her concentration camp disguised as a corner café with a pleasant terrace. This couple isn’t any sort of an exception as the absolute minimum work week for Chinese people here is six days a week. My question is this: who is forcing these people to literally work themselves to death (the woman doesn’t look good at all)?

There is no way that any person would work this much of their own volition. I just don’t fucking believe that. What I believe is that the Chinese hierarchy here in Valencia is making these people work. It is impossible not to notice the enormous wave of Chinese immigrants here in Spain, even in some of the smallest villages. They generally work in little variety stores that sell products, most of which are manufactured in China. In the last couple of years, at least here in Valencia, the Chinese community has been buying up bars and restaurants at an alarming pace which certainly isn’t news to anyone who lives here. The Chinese community seems to be completely apart from the rest of Spanish society.  Labor, health, security, and other laws don’t seem to affect them in the least.

I have said this before and I stand firmly behind this statement: the Chinese in Spain are not immigrants at all; they are economic colonists sent here by the Chinese government to sell Chinese manufactured goods and to earn hard currency for the Chinese mainland.  Think about it. If you are Chinese you can’t go to your local government and say, “You know, I think that I’d like to leave this shithole of a country and go live in Spain. Is that OK with you guys?” I doubt if an average slob can even get a passport in Spain let alone emigrate on his own accord. Therefore these “immigrants” are sent to Spain and that begs the question “Why?” I think that I answered that question in the first sentence of this paragraph.

Most of the Spanish people that I have talked to have very ambivalent feelings about the Chinese. On the one hand the Chinese cause no trouble and keep to themselves. And of course they work hard, not the most admirable trait as far as the holiday-loving Spanish are concerned. On the other hand the Chinese do not participate in any way in the quotidian life of this country other than performing their assigned tasks within their own community. Last year I was with a group of friends downtown for a fireworks display during Fallas, Valencia’s biggest and most important festival (in a country where it is impossible to exaggerate the importance of festivals). There were perhaps 120,000 people crowded into the main square. I challenged my friends to point out a single Chinese person in the crowd. Not one. Every other immigrant group was represented that day, South Americans of every stripe, black Africans, and even a few Pakistanis, but no Chinese. I have never seen a Chinese family at the beach. It’s rare to even see a Chinese person sitting in a café.

In my years here in Spain I have read only one or two articles about the Chinese community in the newspapers—and I read at least two Spanish papers every day(OK, I admit that perhaps I spent too much time in cafés).  No one seems to know anything about them or how their community functions.  I should point out that anything I put forth in this essay is purely speculation and strictly anecdotal.  From what people have told me there are very few Chinese students enrolled in the local universities and the few that you do see may very well be adopted children of Spanish families (about 100% of whom are girls—another story for another essay).  I would wager that the Chinese government does not want the children of “immigrants” to attend Spanish universities to pursue careers in this country. Their job is to continue working for the Chinese mainland, selling Chinese merchandise and earning money which is mostly sent back home.

The brilliant Canadian economist and polymath, John Ralston Saul has stated that China doesn’t believe in globalization. They aren’t interested in free trade; they only care about selling their products around the world. Spain’s Chinese population certainly backs this point.

P.S. Myth Busters: The Chinese in Spain Never Die

This is one of the first urban myths I learned upon arriving in Spain. Many people have told me that the Chinese immigrants in Spain never have funerals and that there are no Chinese cemeteries. I’ve heard a lot of bad jokes about how you should be careful about eating in a Chinese restaurant because you don’t know where the meat comes from. The whole idea seemed rather silly to me and not really important enough to give much thought to it. I doubted that the Chinese passed on their documents to others when they passed away and their bodies were unceremoniously discarded in unmarked graves or tossed in the sea as legend has it.

In Roberto Saviano’s book, Gomorra about the Mafia in Naples, Italy he addresses this issue in the first chapter. He describes a scene at the port of Naples in which a container breaks open and dumps a load of frozen Chinese corpses on the wharf. Evidently, the Chinese pay to have their bodies shipped back to China when they die so that they can be buried in their native land. The expense of the shipment is sometimes deducted from their pay. Anyway, that makes more sense than the urban myth version.

The Next Big Thing?

IT TAKES A LOT OF THOUGHT NOT TO OVER-THINK™

I’m not bragging when I say that I’m just about the last person onboard the latest idea. In fact, I’m so late getting onboard current trends—and I realize that I’m using the word “current” very loosely—that many times people have already forgotten about it and moved on to something else long before I get started. I actually got my picture in the paper when I bought the last VHS player. Other people will laugh at technology portrayed in 10 year old movies—a mobile phone the size of an army boot, for example—while I’ll ask in amazement, “They actually make those?” My “cutting edge” is most people’s medieval history.  “Behind the times” would be a huge technological leap forward for me.

I’m no Luddite but to say that I’m standing on middle ground would be a bit of an exaggeration.  On a chronological/technological scale between the original members of the Luddite movement and…let’s say Steve Jobs, I’d place myself somewhere between the decline of black and white television and the advent of 8 track tapes.  My lack of tech savvy could be a huge asset—a very convenient thing for me to say about myself but still. I’ve always felt that what the hi-tech world needs is more input from stupid people.  Many new and bold ideas spring from the smartest and most talented minds but I think we are ignoring a very powerful and perhaps innovative voice in our rush towards a better future by silencing the people who move their lips when they read.  

Have you ever noticed that we never ask stupid people to put forth ideas? The giant computer companies should have a few not-too-bright folks on the payroll just to double-check the work of the geniuses, to make sure things aren’t too complicated for the average slob.  I’m volunteering my services to Microsoft to head up their new Average Slob Research Team.  I think that my clear-headed and straight-shooting approach to problem solving is just what Microsoft needs to be a leader in the field. What’s that? They already are a leader in many fields? Whatever, I can make them even better.

I’ll start by changing the name of my new division.  Average Slob Research Team? Who came up with that? OK, I know that I did but I was just being rhetorical, wait…not rhetorical but what’s that other thing you can be when you know the answer but you want to blame someone else? I’ll have to ask one of the other, smarter employees but for now let’s brainstorm to come up with a better name for my group.  We need a cool acronym, something really catchy. How about SPIKE? That sounds cool and tough. I’ll have to let one of the brainiac dorks figure out what the letters mean; it’s called relegating or delegating—I can never keep those two straight. I did the hard part so it’s the least they can do. On to my next big idea.

I noticed that they don’t serve meatloaf in the cafeteria.  No wonder so many people here skip lunch and go running or take a yoga class instead of stuffing their faces in the chow hall.  They also don’t serve beer so I’ll use my new influence to right that little wrong.  If you have beer you may as well have a happy hour—wouldn’t want any of it to go to waste.  These pencil-necks around here need to learn how to relax and stop working themselves half to death. And how about a blackjack table? You know what they say about all work and no illegal gambling. To prove my point about how uptight people are here you should have seen all of the dirty looks I got when I was barbequing in the parking lot before work one morning. You’d think they’d never heard of tailgating.

As it turns out, it only took me and my small team three weeks to drive the entire company off a cliff. Most of the damage was caused by my diverting the corporation’s entire research staff into my project of trying to predict the outcome of NFL games.  I already had my own system but I thought that it could use a bit of fine tuning, most of the people I owed money to thought so, too. On a side note, if you want to meet a group of individuals with absolutely no sense of humor you should try sports bookies.  In the end, arrests were made, documents seized, law suits filed, but I can look back with pride because in the midst of this scandal I picked a winner in a play-off game.

Anti-Government vs Democracy: Part I

This is unregulated free enterprise

This is how people make cities.

If ever a stupid idea persisted way past its time it would have to be this entire movement of anti-government nonsense that now seems to completely define American conservatives. The notion that private enterprise, if left to its own devices, will completely meet the needs of the population is simply absurd. How do I know this? I know this because we have been there before. Just read history and look back to when the private sector basically did whatever the hell it wanted to do with either little interference from, or with the full support of government. Americans spent the better half of the last century literally fighting in the streets at times to correct the free-enterprise-at-any-cost movement.Now conservatives would have us return to those halcyon days with a few strokes of a legislative pen.

Here’s an example that most Americans can attest to simply by taking a look at their own communities. If you live in an area that is dominated by strip malls, parking lots, sprawl, drive-thru fast food joints, and an over-riding anti-pedestrian environment then you can thank private enterprise. This is what happens when the people have no say in how their own communities are built.  I find it hard to believe that private individuals would knowingly acquiesce to the suburban blight that has infected so much of the American man-made environment.

The people of Seattle decided many years ago that they needed to fix the problem that so many American cities have faced since the end of WWII: the decay of the inner-city because of the mass exodus to the suburbs. The city planners changed zoning laws so that all new buildings in the downtown area had to reserve the first level for businesses: shops, restaurants, grocery stores, bars, bakeries, etc. Before this law was in place vast swaths of Seattle's downtown were basically empty of residents. Who would want to live in an area without these basic services? I moved to Seattle in 1998 and the new downtown was just beginning. By the time I left in 2006 the city center had become a bustling area (I lived in the city center all 8 years). Residency had multiplied sharply while the suburbs saw a decrease in growth. The people and their elected government had shaped businesses to their liking and the city is much better for it. Of course these changes weren't all brought on by the government but the ideas set forth came from the people.

In about 1992 the city of Amsterdam had a plebiscite and the people decided to vastly restrict automobile traffic in the historic center. Parking spaces were systematically removed from the center while sidewalks and bike paths were improved. At first local businesses complained that this change would destroy commerce and turn Amsterdam into a museum instead of a vital metropolis. Any observer who has seen the city before and after this citizen initiative can say without a doubt that Amsterdam is much better now. It's called democracy in action.

Too Many People; To Few Chimps

There are supposedly seven billion people in the world. By way of comparison, there are only five billion monkeys on the planet which means there aren’t enough to go around for everybody. In a bold and selfless act I hereby relinquish my God-given right to own my own chimp. Do the math, people. There are only three options: either we can kill off two billion people, force apes to procreate more rapidly, or ask for volunteers to go without a simian sidekick.

It's sad to think how far we have declined as a species from the days of Walt Disney films featuring chimps in suits and how we have abandoned that promise of monkey friends for one and all.

Córdoba, Vida y Genio

If this video doesn't inspire you to grab your passport and buy a ticket to Spain, nothing will. Valencia needs to produce a video of this caliber to attract visitors. Valencia has countless attraction to capture on film. Put these images to great music and you have a great advertisement for Valencia, a Mediterranean jewel. Because I am a writer I would prefer a video with writing, with dialog. Go out and talk to the people of Valencia and ask them about their city. People here are incredibly passionate about this place, as well they should be. A lot of that passion has rubbed off on me and everyone else who has made Valencia their home. ¡Amunt!