Too Many People; To Few Chimps

There are supposedly seven billion people in the world. By way of comparison, there are only five billion monkeys on the planet which means there aren’t enough to go around for everybody. In a bold and selfless act I hereby relinquish my God-given right to own my own chimp. Do the math, people. There are only three options: either we can kill off two billion people, force apes to procreate more rapidly, or ask for volunteers to go without a simian sidekick.

It's sad to think how far we have declined as a species from the days of Walt Disney films featuring chimps in suits and how we have abandoned that promise of monkey friends for one and all.