This Week in Food

I made a couple of good dishes this week. On Friday I tackled beef bourguignon and for Sunday’s midday meal I made a paella with revollon mushrooms. Luckily I had a few excellent bike rides to counterbalance the huge meals. I actually went out on Friday afternoon on my bike with the idea that I would be having a big meal with wine afterward. I kept thinking about all that butter, animal fat, and wine as I hammered along the beach bike path. Thinking about food for two solid hours really made me hungry. I had another great bike ride on Saturday. In fact, Saturday’s ride was so good that I had no legs left on Sunday for a ride. I planned on going out for a ride but after taking the Valenbisí bike downtown to visit the Modern Art Museum in the morning my legs felt like set concrete.

Unlike last year, the fall rains have been regular which means that the mushrooms in the market have been inexpensive and wonderful. I have been thinking about making a paella dish with revollon mushrooms for a while now and all of the planets sort of converged on Sunday to make that happen. I had beef stock and a bit of bacon leftover from the beef bourguignon I made on Friday.

Rice with Wild Mushrooms

2 cups Fallera rice (if this isn't available where you live then you must move)

1 kilo revollon mushrooms

Onion, garlic (I used cebolleta which are like enormous green onions)

1 grated tomato

¼ cup bacon

2 cups red wine

5 cups beef stock

2 tbl spoons tomato paste

Olive oil

Butter

Saffron, salt, pimentón dulce (sweet paprika)

Sauté bacon with a generous portion of olive oil in the paella (mine is 46 centimeters). Add chopped onion and garlic. Add generous portion of butter (nobody likes people who are stingy with butter).  Add the chopped mushrooms. Cook this down very well. The mushrooms release more flavor the more they are cooked so make sure they are way past the al dente point. Add the tomato and the pimentón.  Add the red wine and let it almost all evaporate. I heated the stock in the microwave and added the tomato paste directly to the heated stock. Add the stock and the saffron. When this mixture is boiling add the rice and turn the heat down to medium. Remember not to stir the rice once it is in the pan.I have learned a new trick to make the socarrát or the thin layer of slightly burned rice on the bottom of the pan that Valencianos treasure. When the rice has cooked I turn up the heat for about a minute. I take the pan off the stove and place it on a wet dish towel which stops the cooking process. 

The City Reconsidered (again)

I lived in downtown Seattle before moving to Valencia, Spain several years ago. Both of these moves weren’t accidents. I wanted to live without a car. I wanted to walk, ride a bike, or take public transportation.  So many Americans think that cities are crime-ridden, impersonal, and just basically awful places to live. I guarantee that I know more people in my neighborhood than any suburbanite living in a Road Warrior-inspired gated community.  I think it’s pretty pathetic that so many people have to drive everywhere to effect their daily needs (not to mention a big, fat commute to work).  If a parking lot is a constant companion you should think about a change.

Spain has the city building thing down to an exact science (except in places where they are attempting to build American-style suburbs). In Valencia almost every block is like a little self-contained village. The proximity of Spanish city life creates a familiarity among the inhabitants. You walk by the same people every day so it’s almost impossible not to say hello.  Even the surliest of barmen will break down and say “Buenas Tardes” after you walk into their place for the 10^th time for an afternoon coffee. I recently bumped into my Pakistani barber in the aisle of a store and chatted for a bit (OK, it’s a Pakistani store where I buy spices but it’s still a coincidence).  If I had to leave my neighborhood for another area of the city I would be leaving a lot behind in the way of acquaintances and goodwill.

How to Be Happy

Life Coach

I started thinking about the topic of human happiness recently after watching a video of a purported life coach—whatever the hell that is. Because I always do an exhaustive research on all of the topics I discuss here I did a Google search “How to be happy.”  One of the first things on the queue was a book by that title. It seemed like total bullshit but at least it was free. I looked a little closer and it turns out that the author had adapted this book from another tome he penned that dealt with improving people’s golf games. OK, I don’t pretend to know shit about happiness or how to get it but I’m pretty sure it has absolutely nothing to do with golf. I’d go so far as to say that happiness and golf are two separate things.

If the people who claim to be life coaches (whatever the fuck that is) or the authors of books entitled “How to Be Happy” were being completely honest I think they would lower their ambitions for the average slob. It’s just absurd for everyone to expect to be wildly happy. How about a more modest goal? How about “How Not to Be Completely Miserable,” do you think that book would sell? Probably not because people love fairy tales, happy endings, and get-rich-quick schemes.  Doubt scares the living crap out of people even though certainty—in most cases—is completely ridiculous.  Certainty is easy whereas doubt is very difficult. Admitting that you don’t know or worse, that you can’t possibly know something can be frightening.  Religion sells certainty, so do life coaches (Really? People actually call themselves “Life Coaches?”).

Many people also just want to buy the human being instructional manual. Unfortunately, that book has been out of print for a long, long time.  If there is an instructional manual for life on this planet then it’s a work in progress made up of every shred of wisdom ever acquired over the course of human history.  You need to sort through all of that wisdom and come to your own conclusions. There, that was easy, wasn’t it? Is this what “Life Coaches” tell people? Do “Life Coaches” wear those horrible gym teacher stretch shorts and whistles?  I’m guessing that “Life Coaches” are like those über-annoying personal trainers at the gym that scream at people while they do sit-ups.  If I were a “Life Coach” and preyed on the weak and confused my slogan would be: Life Coach, no more shooting sprees or the first session is free!

When I Googled “How to Be Happy” I got 55,440,000 results. When I Googled ““How Not to Be Completely Miserable” there were two entries. I suppose that I will try to write that book.  Here are a few outline points for my book, How Not to Be Completely Miserable:

         a) Stop reading magazines with pictures of celebrities on the cover.

There are a lot of reasons for this, the main one being that these magazines are all shit. Another reason not to read them is that they are in the business of hagiography which is a form of religion created by advertising. Celebrities—especially the Hollywood type—are usually no better people than the average slob in the street. Celebrities have the benefit of personal trainers, personal chefs, plastic surgeons, and make-up artists to help them to side-step some of the more mundane complaints of life here on this planet. However, they can’t escape the fact that they are human.  Believe it or not Julia Roberts takes huge, ghastly shits just like her manicurist or her pool boy. And we all have to die sooner or later, no matter how many Oscars we have.  

               b) I’m almost positive that your new cell phone, big screen TV, BMW, or Franklin Mint art object won’t make your orgasm any better.

I don’t know what I mean by this but you know what I mean, so just stop it.

              c)There is no substitute for reading.

There just isn’t. Watching TV may make you hip as far as pop culture is concerned but when you get around smart people you sound like the idiot that you are. Get a library card and use it. Start today.

That may sound arrogant but trust me, I struggle every day in my battle with ignorance like an alcoholic trying to stay with the 12 Step program.  As far as my own experience is concerned, there are no shortcuts in life, no easy answers, no life coaches, no How To books that sort it all out for you, and no Eating-Praying-Loving your way around the tough parts of human existence.

Valencia CF 3-0 Glasgow Rangers

Valencia CF has kept their hopes VERY alive in the Champions League this season by defeating the Glasgow Rangers 3-0 tonight in Mestalla here in Valencia.  Soldado scored two goals and Tino Costa had the third. We now have 7 points and are second in the group behind Manchester United. Two games left against Man U. and Bursaspor.  

I watched the first half in one of my bars and then sprinted home on my bike to eat dinner and watch the second half.  To let you know how exciting the game was let me say that I was glued to the TV to the extent that I didn’t have time to take the couple of steps to my bathroom to grab a pair of scissors to cut an annoying hunk of skin hanging from my finger. I’ll get around to that task now that the game is over but not before I see the results of Tottenham-Inter Milan match (Tottenham won 3-1).

Cooking Class

I have started a cooking column in the monthly magazine I write for in the States. The magazine is geared towards university students so I call the column Cooking 101—not very original but it gets the point across to the target demographic. I’m trying to teach them how to cook but also to keep their minds open when it comes to the kitchen. I hope this attitude will permeate other aspects of their thinking as well. I am keeping things very simple yet these dishs are the cornerstones of the culinary arts. 

I have had a couple of Italian roommates in my life and if I can extrapolate from these two people (and their friends I met) a general sense of what it’s like to be Italian I can say two things: Italians eat pasta at least twice a day and they almost all can whip up a really good plate of pasta with whatever ingredients they have on hand in the kitchen. This dish is one of the classics of Italian cooking and when done well it can be heaven.

Cooking 101: Spaghetti Aglio Olio

Don’t be intimidated by the Italian name which means spaghetti with garlic and oil; in Italy this dish is as basic and simple as ramen noodles are for American college students.  Something all Italian men can prepare and a favorite dish after returning home from the bars late at night—or more accurately, early in the morning—probably because the ingredients are almost always in the kitchen.

Ingredients:

Spaghetti

3 Garlic Cloves

Olive Oil

Red Pepper Flakes

Fresh Parsley (optional)

Salt

Boil the spaghetti in salted water. Pour the olive oil into a non-stick skillet on medium heat. Slice the garlic thinly and add to the heated oil along with a pinch of salt. I like to tilt the skillet so the oil pools to one end which ensures that the garlic does not burn. What you are trying to do above all is infuse the oil with the flavor of the garlic. After a minute, add the red pepper flakes to the oil and garlic. If you have fresh parsley add this last. When the spaghetti is cooked add it to the pan along with a bit of the pasta water and toss with the oil, garlic, and red pepper until the water has evaporated. Serve with a glass of red wine which is another thing Italians always have on hand, and so should you.

There is a lot of room for personal interpretation in spaghetti aglio olio: use a little or a lot of oil; add anchovies, parmesan cheese, sun dried tomatoes, you name it, but it’s best to err on the side of simplicity. Buon appetito (I think that’s right but I don’t speak Italian)!