Title Sequences: The Shorter the Better

   I just watched the intro to a new series on HBO. At the end of the credits, I had to rewind to be sure of what I had just seen. They list a co-producer, then another, then “produced by” some other asshole, then a consulting producer, then a co-executive producer, then three executive producers were listed together, and finally seven other executive producers each had their own screen for their personal glory. That’s 15 of these jerk-offs if you’re counting. My question is this: why do I as a viewer give a shit who the producers are? Answer: I don’t. So why would any sane person want to watch the intro to a series? At least with Gilligan’s Island they gave you a catchy tune.

   In Spanish there is a lovely expression for when someone toots their own horn. They say that the person “no tiene abuela,” he doesn’t have a grandmother, because grannies are supposed to toot your horn for you. Obviously, Hollywood producers don’t have grandmothers.

   I wish a series could just run all of this info at the end so you could just turn it off, but the producers, all twenty of them, want us to know how essential they are for the content. Nope, can’t do a damn thing without these twenty suits who probably couldn’t write a three-sentence email that makes sense, but the show can’t go on without them.

   Note to producers: just cash your huge paychecks and STFU. If you want to be famous, become an actor.

   The new series I’m watching, Murderbot, has a 1 minute 18 seconds sequence, way too long, especially considering the runtime for an episode is only 22m.

  Twin Peaks – ~2 minutes 36 seconds has the longest I could find. Glad I never watched a single episode of that turd.

 Game of Thrones goes for 1 minute 45 seconds. I hated the show but got roped into it because someone I like liked it. The music in the intro was moronic, to say the least.

 The Sopranos had that awful song. I fast-forwarded it through it, but still heard bits of it which probably damaged my brain.

 Breaking Bad – ~18 seconds. Another thing I loved about the series.