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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

A Few Random Thoughts on Clothing and Fashion

It's not that I'm not a fan of the thong bikini, it's just that it isn't right for all women and definitely not for men. Yuck! Let's just say that the backsides of some women are not automatically enhanced by this meager shred of fabric. The main purpose of a thong is to plumb the lascivious and salacious depths of the minds of all who behold the wearer of the garment. I have often seen cases in which the thong evokes horrifying images of a villager being swallowed by a crocodile.

Do you ever think that Hitler mustaches will come back in style? I can't think of any other historic figure who single-handedly poisoned a style for at least a generation and perhaps for eternity. Even hard-core white supremacists and skinheads don't walk around with Hitler mustaches. Here's the thing, I think that Hitler mustaches probably always looked fucking stupid which is why I can't understand how this clown had such a profound effect on people. Charlie Chaplin had a mustache like Hitler but he was a clown.

I can't believe anyone uses the words “fashion designer” and “genius” in the same sentence. How smart do you have to be to raise a hemline or wrap a sash around something? Maybe if someone actually made some sort of revolution in clothing, like removing the ephemeral nature of fashion from what we wear so that instead of worrying about how we dress we could all move on to more important things, things like just about anything other than fashion. And fashion designers, I got a project for you. How about designing an off-the-rack dress shirt that actually fits? Most shirts are made for the kind of guy whose belly is about twice as big as his chest. I realize Elton John is a big spender but how about making clothes for the rest of us?

Here's what I look for in fashion: anything that doesn't make me look stupid and anything that won't make me look stupid when I look back at myself a couple years from now in a photograph. I remember watching a French movie from the 1960´s and noticing the shoes a guy was wearing. They were black leather dress shoes with a buckle instead of laces. I thought they looked cool when I saw the movie sometime in the 1980s. I have had a pair of those shoes since then. I try to follow the same rule for haircuts. I'd rather be anonymous than stick out like something desperately in need of being pounded down. If I want to distinguish myself from the crowd I'll try to do it with ideas, not by buying something made by Ralph Lauren.