By the Time You Read This...

...I may already be dead

No, I’m not planning on committing suicide; at least not in any kind of direct, uncowardly (according to MS Word this isn’t even a word), or manly fashion. I’m just thinking that with the prodigious amount of pork products I have been ingesting since I arrived here in Valencia, combined with the added stress of tonight’s huge-alacious (Yes, Spell-check, I know that isn’t a fucking word) football match against Chelsea in the quarters of the Champions League, I may just keel over right in the Plaza del Valencia CF where I plan on watching the match. I’m going to take another long bike ride in the morning to clear out the old system, but I’m just playing catch-up in the race against arterial plaque. I’m eating so much pig that when I burp it sounds just a little bit like an oink.

Why are we talking about my personal health? I don’t even care about my personal health, especially now during the quarter finals with Valencia in the heat of it. Do you have any idea of just what is at stake here? Do you read the newspapers? Well how about the half a dozen daily football rags that litter the tops of every self-respecting bar in Spain during the temporada? Do you remember when the Titanic sank? That wasn’t shit compared to this, OK? The Titanic was just a bunch of rich jerks and illegal immigrants who couldn’t swim while this is Valencia CF up against Chelsea to see who advances in Europe’s football league. Understand? Great, I’m glad we could put things into perspective for you.

It’s kind of like the Battle of Thermopylae in which a tiny Greek army (Valencia CF) goes up against the countless legions of Persian mercenaries (Chelsea). Valencia is mostly made up of Spanish players—with a few exceptions—while Chelsea is led by the goal-scoring machine, Didier Drogba, from the Ivory Coast and the German midfielder, Michael Ballack. But I don’t like this analogy because the Greeks eventually got stomped in that one. Instead of rewriting the Wikipedia entry so that Valencia CF defeats Xerxes’ horde at Thermopylae I’ll abandon the historical analogies. Besides, everyone knows that the ancient Greek historians were even less accurate than Wikipedia.

I have to get out of the house and do something to take my mind off of the game tonight.

Tortilla de Calabacín

A good way to take your mind off an upcoming football match is in the kitchen. As much as I love tortillas de patatas I thought that I’d expand my horizons with another flavor of this Spanish staple.

6 eggs (beaten)

1 Zucchini

1 Onion

Olive oil

Sal and Pepper

Slice the zucchini as thinly as possible. I had to put a good edge on my cleaver to accomplish this. Dice the onion finely. Sauté the onion in a lot more olive oil than you need because when the onion becomes translucent you will add the zucchini. Mix to coat the zucchini with the oil. Cover the dish and let it cook without browning the vegetables. When they are well cooked, add the beaten egg and stir gently to mix the egg and vegetables. Cover and cook on low heat. Use a spatula to check the consistency of the bottom and when it is fairly solid, cover the pan with a plate and flip it on to the plate and then return the uncooked side of the tortilla to the pan and finish cooking.