Leftbanker: The Musical?

...tough to "sell out" when no one wants to buy your wares...
kevin m

First there was “Cats.” I’m not allergic but sometimes the lower case, not-in-quotation-marks brand of cats creep me out. I never made it to a theater to see that one, “Cats” that is. Not in New York and not in one of the off-brand, regional theater productions. It’s too late now; “Cats” closed in 2000. Although I suffer no allergies from, nor have any aversions towards sewer-dwelling composers, I haven’t made it to “Phantom of the Opera” either. It is still going strong in New York’s Majestic Theater, so I still have the opportunity to stand in line for a ticket. I mention this because “Phantom” just broke the record previously held by “Cats” for the longest running show on Broadway.

I mention all of this because it got me thinking that there is a fortune to be made in musicals and zero money to be made from blogs. Even if you could make money from this sort of internet scribbling, I’m not tech savvy enough to figure out how to do it. I mention this because I have decided to turn this web site into a Broadway musical. If Andrew Lloyd Webber based his blockbuster on a hoary 1911 Gothic novel, I can take a few of my favorite essays, turn them into musical show-stoppers, and sit back and watch the ticket sales go through the roof.

After all, I have been classically trained on the piano. Of course, I am to classical music what a wrecking ball is to an abandoned building, so I’ll just set all of the numbers in my musical to the themes songs to The Brady Bunch, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Gilligan’s Island. Admit it; those are real toe-tappers. I’ll have the cast members dress up as mice because mice are cuter than cats if you believe all of the cartoons I watched growing up.

Of course, if it’s just about making money, I suppose the easiest thing would be to turn this blog into an international drug cartel. International drug dealers may only have a fraction of the life expectancy of Broadway musical composers, but they get more respect in seedy Miami night clubs. The smartest move would be to turn Leftbanker.com into a multi-national oil consortium, but that would probably mean I’d have to spend too much time in the Middle East where there are practically no seedy Miami night clubs. I would rather have been forced to sit through every single performance of “Cats” than spend a three-day weekend in Saudi Arabia.

Turning this blog into a gold mine is harder than I thought, and in light of current events, you can forget about turning this into a gold mine—too dangerous. I don’t think that there are enough suckers like me left to make a killing by selling a bunch of worthless stock for Leftbanker.com. I don’t have the material to turn this into a tell-all because I haven’t slept with anyone famous, and no one who I have slept with has the ambition to get famous. Has anyone ever made a killing from failing to make a killing?