My computer is two years old. It serves me well but it is now far from state of the art. A friend just got a new computer with a Pentium 4 processor, a 160 gig hard drive, and a lot of other features I don’t understand. I feel obliged to ditch my old technology in favor of this miraculous future. I have started a list of all of the problems this new machine will be able to conquer in nanoseconds flat.
Which would win in a fair fight: A beaver or a muskrat?
What about a fight between two frisky squirrels and a sewer rat?
What’s cuter: a bulldog puppy or a baby in a clown suit?
Is Britney “out of control?”
Will J-Lo ditch Ben?
Does J-Lo’s mom call her J-lo? (I fucking hope not but I’ll go with the computer’s wisdom)
What's dumber: Pete Rose or his haircut?
Who’s hotter: Mary Ann or Ginger from Gilligan’s Island? (And why doesn’t anyone pick the old broad? I would totally hit that.)
If you have any questions for my new computer just ask away.
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