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Thursday, May 29, 2003

Bringing Home the Baby

I’ve been buying up baseball gear these days. I have been scouring yard sales and thrift stores for used mitts, balls, and bats. I have vague plans of traveling to Cuba—a baseball obsessed island. My plan is to take a big duffel bag of used baseball gear with me and give it away as I travel. I have a fantasy that they will name a ballpark after me in appreciation of my goodwill. Leftbanker Stadium! That has a nice ring to it. Perhaps one of the kids receiving a glove will go on to play in Las Grandes Ligas.

I have been trying to find another good, used glove for myself. The mitt I now use I’ve had for a couple years. I was driving down the street one day and I saw it lying in the middle of the road. I didn’t even have to get out of my car to retrieve it. It’s not a bad glove but I just felt that since the kids are all grown and out of the house I was in a good financial position to treat myself to a new mitt.

I would prefer to get a used glove to spare myself the hassle of breaking in a new one. It was just like that with my kids. I adopted them after they had already spent most of their lives attending military school so I was spared all of the messy parent stuff. Now it’s just “Yes, sir” and “no, sir.”

After unsuccessfully looking for a used glove I broke down and bought a brand spanking new one. I spent more time in the sporting goods store looking at mitts than I did at the adoption agency. Gloves last a long time so you have to be careful picking one out.

My new MacGregor mitt is more beautiful than any new born. It is also about as useless as a baby and twice as much work. I think the last time I had to break in a new glove I was carrying a Bonanza lunch box to school (Little Joe was so cool and now that I think about it I think Hoss was probably gay).

I lathered up my new mitt with oil. It soaked it up like a sponge. I gave it another thorough basting with oil, put a ball in the pocket, wrapped it in a plastic bag, and stuck it under my mattress. If techniques for breaking in a new mitt have changed since I was in the fourth grade someone please let me know. Anybody want to play catch?

UPDATE The MacGregor glove didn't really work out and will go to the Cuban Allstars. I bought a Mizuno glove that cost a fortune. I hope I'm happy with the Mizuno.

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