The Kevin Bacon of the Internet

LEFTBANKER, THE KEVIN BACON OF THE INTERNET

I’m not so arrogant to say that I’m really Kevin Bacon. I’m simply saying that I’m like that character Kevin Bacon played in the movie Footloose. If my memory serves me he had recently moved to some small town somewhere. The town had outlawed dancing but Kevin Bacon was, like, “Fuck that, man, I’m dancing.” As a show of defiance against conventional society he dances all over the place. Bacon relied heavily on Freud’s Society and its Discontents to develop his character.

Then he gets into a car race with some punk from the other high school and…”Oh my GOD! He’s going straight for the cliff! For the love of Christ, will someone please do something!?”

I forget how the movie ended. I hope Kevin Bacon is OK. Anyway, I think the internet is a lot like that small town. Just like that town, the internet is filled with stodgy, stuffy, conservative bores. By the way, I’m talking about the .0001 percent of the internet that isn’t dedicated to porn. Out of this .0001 percent, 99 percent of that is dedicated to work-at-home schemes. I’m talking about the rest of the internet.

Where else on the internet will you find explosive stories about the mistreatment of ‘little people’ in our nation's circuses? At no other source will you find the terrible truth about teen cheerleading accidents. Why did our national right-wing media ignore the Seattle Accordion Festival? Leftbanker is your only news source with the guts to take on the real issues of today.


P.S. I realize that this is a shameless attempt to simply recycle old garbage from my archives but I'm busy with the piano thing these days.

P.P.S. I always get Footloose and Flashdance mixed up. I think I got it right, but if I didn't then my apologies to all concerned parties.