I guess that I’m too young to be suffering from Alzheimer’s but sometimes I wonder. I bought a thing of dental floss the other day along with a bag of groceries. Somehow I lost the dental floss in the unpacking phase of the operation. Not a big deal as I go to the store almost every day. I bought another thing of dental floss on the next trip and lost it again when I got home. I also misplaced a vital part to one of my bikes. It’s not like I’m living in the Versailles Palace here. How lost could something get in a few hundred feet of urban apartment?
Like most people, I worry about becoming senile one day and losing the ability to take care of myself. I think I have come up with a novel idea on how to assure that I’m not a burden to my family and friends.
I have taken out a contract on myself. I have paid a hit man to kill me. The hit man I have hired is incredibly incompetent. He came cheaply so what do you expect? I wanted an incompetent hit man as I really don’t want him to kill me. Under the terms of our agreement he will make a very half-hearted attempt to kill me every six months. He is required to do the deed with a riding lawn mower which should make it difficult enough. I figure that the only way he can pull it off is if I’m out wandering around the park in my pajamas. The day I’m too slow and feeble to get out of the way of a riding mower is my day to check out.
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