A “War” We Can Easily Win

The war in Iraq has been framed to fit the political expediency of the Bush Administration at every step in its mismanagement. Our reasons for invading underwent a host of updates as one justification after another was proved false. The war was called a war of cultures by President Bush, which was countered by Harper’s editor, Lewis Lapham, as a war of superstitions. Bush also said that it is a war of wills and that only with our resolve will come victory. The kind of resolve it takes to blow yourself up amidst a crowd of innocent women and children is more than I hope any civilized person possesses. This does not mean that the United States and the West are doomed to failure; it means that we need to be fighting another sort of guerrilla warfare that we are sure to win.

We are not fighting a war on terror. That is impossible in the first place because terror is simply one tactic used in modern warfare. I don’t believe that we are fundamentally fighting a war to preserve American security. Our security has not ever been seriously threatened and to say that is has overstates the power of a ragtag group of religious fanatics. It is accurate to say that we are fighting al Qaeda although why we are doing this in Iraq is a question Bush has failed miserably to answer. If we are fighting a war of cultures—and I think this may be correct—then this war cannot be fought with arms.

First we must begin with a simple question: Is Western society better for the average individual than fundamentalist Islamic society? I think that most people in the world, including many held hostage in Islamic societies, would say that Western-style freedoms and democracy are preferable to Sharia law and theocracy. Islam’s strict proscriptions on sex and alcohol—among other things—are contrary to human nature.

Only in the last fifty years has the West been able to throw off the shackles of Christianity and begin to create a society that is egalitarian—a concept unimportant in Christianity. For the first time in human history women are beginning to enjoy a status equal to men. Homosexuals are finally being treated like human beings. Not only do we enjoy religious freedom but we are finally free to renounce religion for the destructive fantasy that it is. Some of the countries in Europe with the highest levels of atheism are also the best societies in which to live.

We certainly are not in a war of Christianity against Islam. If fundamentalist Christians had their way our society wouldn’t be much different than life in Saudi Arabia or Iran. We are in a war between progressive culture and medievalists, a war we have been waging since the Enlightenment. Rarely have battles in this war been won with violence, it has been the triumph of progressive ideas over religious dogma and superstition.

The gains made against the tyranny of the Church have not been through direct conflict, but by framing the progressive argument in such a way that its merit is unquestionably the better path for civilization. It wasn’t Christianity that fought for democracy or women’s rights or a more open and free society. The Church has always been willing to sacrifice these ideals in order to maintain its power and privilege. Islam is equally as unconcerned with individual right and freedoms.

Consequently, I don’t think that a more moral society has ever existed on this planet than in the social democracies of Western Europe today and most scientific studies on the subject bear me out on this. I will point to just one recent study that ranks child welfare in Western industrialized countries. The more liberal the democracy, the better place it is to raise children it would seem.

CHILD WELL-BEING TABLE

1. Netherlands
2. Sweden
3. Denmark
4. Finland
5. Spain
6. Switzerland
7. Norway
8. Italy
9. Republic of Ireland
10. Belgium
11. Germany
12. Canada
13. Greece
14. Poland
15. Czech Republic
16. France
17. Portugal
18. Austria
19. Hungary
20. United States
21. United Kingdom

Source: Unicef

As you can see, the United States hardly seems like a beacon to the world or an example to be followed by all. We’ve got a lot of work to do here at home where since 1980 we’ve had Republican presidents who have spouted on about conservative family values.

If you want to talk about “family values,” I can’t think of a better environment for families than here in Spain where homosexual marriage is legal, as well as abortion, personal freedom is respected, women are constantly gaining ground in the gender gap, and income is distributed much more equitably. These are all issues about which I am completely resolute. These are values I believe need to be exported, not just the ability to cast a vote. However, like any product, the best way to find buyers for these values is not through belligerency but by demonstrating to the world that these are the best models for human society.

Iran recently said that it will more rigorously enforce Islamic dress code for women in that country. 200 extra police are to patrol the streets of Tehran confronting impure women who reveal ankles, sport thin headscarves, or wear short or tight jackets. Violators can be fined or subjected to other harsh treatment reminiscent of old communist bloc techniques.

Cuba has endured in spite of America’s belligerency or because of it. Had Cuba been accepted by the U.S., Castro wouldn’t have lasted through one American presidency. Just as most communist regimes fell through their own internal decay, so will fundamentalist Islam. All we need to do is to help it along.

We have only made it much easier for Islamic clerics to demonize the West. Iraq has become The Battle of Britain for the Islamic world. Just as the relentless Nazi bombing of Britain only worked to strengthen the resolve of citizens there, so has our belligerency in Iraq served to galvanize opinion in the Islamic world against us. Iran is only more emboldened against the West because of our failed military ventures in Iraq. Not only has Iran become more defiant towards the West but also towards moderates in Iran itself which explains the new measures to enforce strict Islamic dress codes there.

How attractive an idea could fundamentalist Islam possibly be when allowed to stand on its own merit, without the role of savior of the people that we have conveniently provided with our invasion of a Muslim nation? When left to stand alone against the resounding success of Western democracies, the wall of fundamentalist Islam will crumble under its own repressive decay.

If it weren’t for their tremendous oil revenues no fundamentalist society would be around today. The war in Iraq has created such enormous wealth for Saudi Arabia and Iran that they are both completely impervious to the normal demands of their citizens. They can also finance Islamic fundamentalism in other countries not similarly blessed with oil revenues. As long as both countries are able to generate this incredible wealth they will b insulated from the need for any religious moderation. It is impossible for a country to move into the modern world without enlisting women in the workplace. These countries are able to exclude women from society because of oil revenues.

Our task in the West is fairly obvious: we must better project the advantages of democracy and liberalism, and work to reduce our independence on Middle East oil which finances Islamic extremism.

Things I Love About Spain (Part III)

Things I Love About Spain (Part III)

-The weather. It is now sunny, warm, and dry. I haven’t needed any excuse to spend hours every day riding my bike down to the beach towns south of “Valencia but now the great weather makes this even more of a pleasant task. I have been desperately trying to get my ass into great shape in what I call “Operation Speedo.” I won’t wear a Speedo, and if you see me in one you have my permission to club me to death like a baby seal, but “Operation Speedo” is a little snappier-sounding than “Operation Tasteful Swimwear That Doesn’t Make You Look Completely Fruity and Ridiculous.”

- Paz Vega. I just saw this Spanish actress for the first time in a nice little movie called 10 Items or Less in which she plays the impervious/imperious cashier in the quick check-out lane at a crappy little convenience store. She can be my Dulcinea any day.

- Bike Lanes. Valencia has the best network of bike lanes (Carii Bici) this side of Amsterdam. After riding more than two hours yesterday I pedaled to the end of the recently-renovated park at the end of the Turia Gardens. There is a little hill you can ride up that gives a rather commanding view of this whole part of the city. They are also just putting the finishing touches on another new beach park just south of Pinedo beach. If you live in Valencia and you aren’t spending a lot of time on a bike you are letting one of the best things about this place pass you by.

- Café y Cafés. A daily ritual for me, for most of my adult life, has always meant a trip to a café, and here in Spain is no different. I require at least one cup of professionally-made coffee every day. Lately I have been leaning towards café Americano which is just an espresso that they leave under the spout and add more water. I love to sit out in the sun and read the papers cover-to-cover. The other day I went to lunch with friends to a little place on the beach and I had the best coffee that I’ve had so far (and that’s saying a lot). The place was in Perello which is about an hour and fifteen minutes south as the bike flies. I may take a ride down there today.

- El Rastro de Mestalla, or the flea market in the stadium parking lot. My main reason for going is to buy cheap books. I can usually find something worth reading for 1€. I also like to see how many different languages I can identify as I walk around looking at junk. Gypsies, Russians, Nigerians, Rumanians, and at least one American can be found there on any given Sunday. There are always a lot of cops there and I usually see them bust someone—probably for selling stolen merchandise. The place is like a mix between Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves and the United Nations. I only found one book last week which I am currently devouring, Chacal, a translation of The Day of the Jackal by Frederick Forsyth. This book is as much fun to read in Spanish as it was in English which lo leí de un tirón (which I read in one swoop—I just learned how to say that so I thought I’d write it down so I don’t forget). Plot-driven stories are a lot easier for me to read in Spanish than psychological novels. I needed a break from the book I was reading that is kicking my linguistic ass.

- Fernando. If my butcher were ten years younger and a woman I’d marry him. Neither of us can afford the expensive operation so the next best thing would be for me to get accidentally locked inside his shop for a weekend. I’d have everything I need in there except Paz Vega. He has wines, oils, olives, sardines, and meat, meat, meat. I like how I can tell him what I want to cook and he gives me what I need with the meat cut up precisely for that dish.

Nacho Libre-fication* of American Society

Caustic Movie Review
Or
The Nacho Libre-fication* of American Society

*To my indescribable horror, I was once forced to share an airplane with the movie Nacho Libre. Airlines seem to have a special talent for culling the absolute worst movies to show on flights. I have used these films as a sort of watermark to show how low films can go. The last low water mark for me was the movie Sweet Home Alabama, a movie that was insulting even without wearing headphones. Sorry Sweet Home Alabama, you just got Nacho Libre’d out of your worst movie spot. By the way, Nacho was favorably reviewed in The New Yorker by Anthony Lane, no kidding.

There are times when I am confronted with aspects of our popular culture that are so relentlessly stupid and awful that I fear that we are all doomed to be turned into brain-dead zombies. It seems that the pabulum mass-produced by Hollywood is not only mind numbing, but actually criminal in its intent to lower the common denominator to a depth not compatible with vertebrate life forms. After watching 88 Minutes, a serial killer thriller starring Al Pacino, and The Guardian, with Kevin Costner, I realize that I could be accused of being hopelessly optimistic.

I often wonder if the writers of blockbusters have ever read anything longer than a two sentence email ending with an emoticon. If you are going to steal ideas—and everyone steals ideas—at least steal from books and not from the movies that everyone else has seen. Steal from some unknown author that no one reads anymore. You are probably safe taking plot ideas from Shakespeare or Homer. Even the movies they make of classic texts are imitations of other movies made from classic texts.

To say that movies these days are derivative is an insult to everyone who has ever read cliff notes instead of the required text, cheated on an exam, or turned in a research paper in college which they bought online. The Costner movie is such an amalgam of clichés that it is like a tick that is so bloated and sclerotic that it doesn’t even realize that it has sunk its fangs into its own fat ass.

These two films serve as a good example of the output of Hollywood over the past…let’s just say, a long time. I should probably include an example from another genre of movie but I just don’t have the stomach for it tonight. I think that two really bad movies is enough for anyone to digest in an essay about movies and even Guantanamo Bay inmates aren’t forced to watch more than two Hollywood blockbusters in a single weekend.

In the case of both of these horrible movies you have to wonder if anyone involved in any way with the production actually read the scripts before hand. I would believe it if you told me that neither film had a script and they just ad-libbed the whole thing, scene by scene, like some sort of actor’s guild workshop gone horribly wrong. I could excuse that because it shows that there was no premeditation, but if they worked from a plan, well, that’s just mean.

I have never liked a single serial killer movie, ever. I hate the genre and I find it silly, sick, and perverse all at the same time and to be all three of those at once probably takes a sort of talent I can’t yet appreciate. One of the reasons I decided to watch 88 Minutes in the first place was because it is set in Seattle. Unfortunately, little of the film was actually filmed in that city. All but a few establishing shots were filmed in Vancouver, Canada. I didn’t know this before I saw the movie and I was perplexed because I didn’t recognize any of the exterior locations. I was really suspicious when they showed a scene on a college campus and all of the students where carrying umbrellas. Everyone knows that Seattle people don’t use umbrellas—too much wind.

It takes a lot more than falsifying a location to ruin a movie for me but 88 Minutes was doomed from the start. I have a simple rule: A movie should grab you right from the opening credits and this one just about put me to sleep before the credits ended. Long story short, Al’s character is a psychiatrist who testifies in the trials of serial killers. One of the people he helped to convict is on death row and Al receives a death threat telling him he has 88 minutes to live. I only wish the killer would have been in more of a hurry, he could have saved us a lot of grief if the movie were called 30 Seconds.

As if the premise isn’t stupid enough (why not just go hang out at a police station for a couple hours and save yourself the easy way?) we are treated to insult after insult in the form of suspicious characters who blunder into the story posing as students, lovers, and lovers of the students of the esteemed psychiatrist. I could have turned it off but I kept watching—not to see what would happen next, but to see if it could get any dumber. Boy did it ever get dumber.

Al Pacino must either be too stupid to realize what a complete piece of shit he was about to star in, have the world’s biggest ego and just wants to be the leading man, or need money worse than I ever have. Although there is no reason why all three of those options can’t apply to an actor who once played in one of the best movies ever made.

Kevin Costner is almost on a par with Pacino’s superstar status and The Guardian is every bit as bad as 88 Minutes. The story for this boy-meets-younger boy formula probably came right out of a Microsoft Word template for action movies. All you have to do is point and click. They all have the dead best friend, the love/hate relationship between old veteran and jump upstart, completely disposable and recyclable love interest, and frat house aphorisms and humor. They probably don’t bother with writers at all anymore; the finance people just play Liar’s Poker during happy hour and the loser has to cobble together a script.

Top Gun and An Officer and a Gentleman were clichés so what do you call a script that lies upon the rubble of two decades worth of movies that have imitated those two unoriginal “classics?” In this case you call it The Guardian but they will have a different name for the next movie of this genre. Please lord, don’t let it be The Guardian II.

You may be asking yourselves this question: Why is this guy watching these dogs in the first place? Although he doesn’t seem too bright it’s not like he’s functionally retarded or anything. That’s a fair question. I probably read glowing reviews of both movies in The New Yorker, those two guys love anything that has a big budget. I remember when Anthony Lane just about peed his panties over the movie Speed. No kidding, he loved it.

Why does Hollywood make such lousy movies and how can we make them stop? For what these two movies cost to produce Hollywood could have given out probably 100 different grants of $1 million to eager new filmmakers. Out of those 100 films, all of them would be better than the two bombs that ended up in theaters and a few of them may have turned out to be masterpieces, and none of them would have starred Ashton what's-his-name. Of course, there is always the possibility that the 100 new director/writers are from the same mold as the makers of The Guardian and 88Minutes.

I think that originality scares the living crap out of the people who finance the making of entertainment so they stay with what has worked in the past, even if the idea has been bludgeoned and left for dead years ago. It all makes sense when you realize that movie producers don’t care whether or not the movie they make is good or bad, just that it makes money. Their product just needs to contain the right ingredients so that the people in marketing can do their job and sell it to the public. I may be wrong but selling a crappy product to the American public doesn’t seem like a very difficult job—just look at how many people buy all of that Ronco trash.

I think a harder task is to convince people that they should be holding out for quality movies. First of all, I don’t think that anyone walks away from The Guardian or 88 Minutes thinking they have seen a great film. I don’t think they think about it at all once the lights go up. It’s just a way to waste a couple hours between whatever it is that people do when they are watching crappy movies. Many people don’t insist on quality in any other aspect of their lives so why should they get picking when they go to the movies? The Guardian is just the cinematic equivalent of other products like Applebee’s or Miller Lite. In this day and age they are probably owned by the same company.

Is it possible to actually like Miller Lite, or a meal at Applebee’s, or a movie like Nacho Libre? I think it isn’t and these products just fill the lowest requirements in the human need for booze, food, and entertainment. It just seems that it would be a lot easier and cheaper to provide quality than to convince people that Miller Lite is beer, mozzarella sticks are food, and Nacho Libre is a movie. Am I some sort of cultural elitist because I didn’t like 88 Minutes? If that is your definition of “cultural elitist” then that just means anyone who is capable of resisting the relentless marketing, or Nacho Libre-fication of products.

The extent to which we are willing to allow product recognition to guide our every purchase is the subject for another essay but it really isn’t that difficult to choose quality over brand names. It will take a bit of trial and error which is infinitely wiser and more satisfying than constantly choosing badly. It takes a bit to get used to the taste of good beer from a small brewery but it’s worth it in the end. If the choice even exists for you wherever you live, go to a privately owned restaurant and more than likely the food will be better than TGI Friday’s, I promise. As far as movies go, let’s just hope that Another 88 Minutes is better than the original.

Left and Right and Getting Ahead

Left and Right and Getting Ahead

I follow the news in the U.S. during this self-imposed exile—it’s impossible to ignore. Almost everything that passes for news from American takes the form of angry bickering between our version of the Sunni and Shiite divide: conservatives and liberals. It’s either right, left, or “Tonight on Larry King Live: Ana Nicole’s real bra size.”

It seems as if everything that happens in the U.S. can be traced back to this Hatfield and McCoy’s feud. Some stupid hick of a radio show host utters three indelicate words and the affair devolves into a schoolyard shouting match between left and right. A mentally ill student goes on a rampage and both sides are screaming across the divide that the other is to blame. It’s hard to find any news item that hasn’t been ripped in two by left and right and used either to back up their idea of America or to criticize the other. This doesn’t seem like a very effective means for running a country.

Issues like abortion and gay rights continue to divide and conquer in America. Spain seems to have decided long ago that both abortion and gays won’t disappear if you make them illegal. You hear almost nothing about these two issues here in Spain, issues that polarize America. Every once in a while some Catholic archbishop will spew out some mealy-mouthed objection but most people here see the church for what it is: an incredibly corrupt and out-of-touch institution. The church here is more of a tradition, like fireworks on the Fourth of July, than a spiritual guide. Spain is a more moral place because they have turned their backs on religion.

Spain doesn’t have anything that comes remotely close to America’s conservative wing and America’s more left-leaning thinkers would be considered middle-of-the-road to conservative here. Here in Valencia there is certainly a difference of opinion in politics but everyone seems focused on getting things done.

Valencia just opened up a new metro line that reaches from the newly-renovated area of the port to the newly-renovated airport in the opposite direction. A fast and inexpensive train to the airport may not seem like such a big deal, unless you happen to live in a large city that doesn’t have this service. For the entire eight years that I lived in Seattle, the city government bickered and quarreled over plans for a train to the airport from the downtown area. In Seattle we also voted over plans for a rapid transit system. I think we voted in favor of it something like four separate times. The plan was later voted down mostly because of the objections of a single, incredibly wealthy real estate developer. Not exactly democracy in action.

Valencia’s bike path system is growing in leaps and bounds. Riding bikes is not exactly a Spanish tradition yet
Valencia is committed to making bicycles a large part of the urban transportation solution. In this area they are way ahead of Madrid where bikes are a fairly uncommon sight.

Other than tilting at the windmills of the War on Terror, it’s hard to think of any area where America is actually working towards her future. I don’t think that we have a single goal that we can all work towards and agree upon and this can be blamed on a complete lack of leadership. Forget about putting another man on the moon, I just want to be able to get to the airport without spending $30 on a cab.

Making the Rounds: Bars and Restaurants

Going out for me serves many purposes. I can meet some of the basic necessities of food and drink while also interacting with people and that means speaking Spanish. It’s nice when you can file going out for a drink under “education.” Going out in Spain offers up a lot of choices because you can’t spit here without hitting a bar or a restaurant. There a five on either end of my street and one in between. Within about four blocks there are literally dozens of places to go for a drink or a bite of food. I haven’t even tried half of them yet.

Perhaps my standards have lowered (Is that even possible?) but I really enjoy the cheap Spanish wine I drink. Beer here is pretty shitty and I think that is true almost everywhere in the world—not really bad, just average. After drinking nothing but the world’s best beers in Seattle I’m back to Heineken and Amstel or one of the Spanish brands. It’s odd to me that as crappy as the beer is, people here prefer it over wine for the most part. In other parts of Spain wine is a lot more popular in bars. I feel a little like the oddball ordering my vino tinto.

Two of my favorite places here in Valencia are a half a block from my front door and both serve pretty decent wine. At both places I know a lot of the staff by name so I feel pretty comfortable. At one of them I get a glass of wine in a nice glass and they have a stack of newspapers to choose from that I can read if it’s too busy for the owner or bartender to talk to me. They have a couple of good televisions and I usually go there to watch a game. I rarely eat there but the food is good. It is always crowded on game nights. They have a nice outside area which will be great when the weather is better.

The place next door is a lot smaller and thus more intimate. I guess that the fact that you stand in such close proximity to people makes it easier to meet people. This place also serves a good glass of wine although the reds are chilled. I’ve noticed this in areas of southern France that don’t make good white wines so it’s not the blasphemy that they teach you about in Wine 101. This bar is one of the few places in Valencia that serves a complimentary tapa when you order a drink. This is pretty much the rule in almost every bar I’ve been to in Madrid, Sevilla, Toledo, and every other city I’ve visited in Spain. This place also has good food. I will sometimes order a half a plate of something because the full plates are enormous.

Almost every day I stop in at a little place run by a Chinese family. They always have a copy of Levante on hand. This is the more liberal of the two Valencia daily newspapers. I read it cover to cover as I sip my coffee. I usually get an americano these days just because I need the extra caffeine. I order my coffee and then sit outside. I like this place because it is casual and the patio gets a lot of sun during the afternoon. I don’t really need my dictionary to read the newspaper these days but I still run across unfamiliar words. My notebook of vocabulary is quickly getting filled. I like Levante because it has thorough local news, a good sports section, and because it has Calvin and Hobbes. Reading it in Spanish is like discovering that old classic all over again. I also like to read the really caustic movie reviews in this paper of the films that will be on local TV that day. This café also gets Magazine which is a good Spanish weekly magazine.

Next there is a bar run by some Indian guys where I hang out sometimes. The sell giro sandwiches called doner kepab here. This joint gets a really varied crowd of people and I have met people from all over the place. It is also the least expensive of all the places I have been in town. A beer is 1€ and a coffee is only .80€. I read the other Valencia daily here called Las Provincias and I usually come across something in it that infuriates me, like an opinion column written by the archbishop of Valencia that was critical of the secular Spanish society today. I was actually yelling at the paper while I was reading it. The Catholic Church sure did a shitty job when they ran things, and now Spain is more prosperous and egalitarian than ever thanks to a secular and socialist government. Sorry Catholic archbishop, you’re full of shit.

For big football matches I will venture out of my little neighborhood and cross over to the other side of the stadium to the Plaza del Valencia CF where there are four bars next to each other that have big screen televisions facing out into the square. When the games are held at Mestalla the roar from the stadium adds a lot of excitement to the game on TV.

There is a little restaurant run by some brothers that is just across the courtyard from my front door. This is a good little spot but they have very quirky hours; it’s almost like they are open by appointment only. I haven’t tried the food there but it looks good. They also have a great patio so I’ll probably go there a lot in the summer.

There are lots of other places in my neighborhood. Some I haven’t gotten around to trying. If I go into a place and people aren’t nice to me I usually don’t go back, that’s the cruel nature of having so much to choose from. It’s not like anyone has been less than nice but some places are friendlier than others.