Reinventing the Classics #1

Gary Larson

Revenge is a dish better served cold.
     -      Anonymous

And by cold, do they mean right out of the fridge? Frozen like ice cream? On ice like a beer? So you bury your enemy up to his neck in ice before you dump a load of fresh manure on his head? Seems like too much work, which begs another proverb.

Revenge shouldn’t be more work than the indignity you suffered in the first place.
   -   Me

In the most famous story of revenge, the Count of Monte Cristo suffers 21 years in prison—14 in solitary confinement—before he even begins his quest for revenge. Dude, get over it and move on with your life. Which leads to yet another expression that I have coined.

Revenge is really good when it’s right out of the pan.
   -   Me

Yes, sir, that is some good revenge. Like that time a guy almost ran me over on my bike. A block later he parked his car, got out, and was crushed by a piano that fell from the fifth floor. Isn’t that better than waiting a quarter of a century for satisfaction?