Build Your Own Joke

Build Your Own Joke

Not to disparage the sophistication of the average reader at this web address, but what seems to work best around here is some sort of variation of the ultra-vulgar Aristocrats joke. Any attempt at a more high-minded humor generally meets with confusion and resentment. How about this for the beginning of a joke?

This gay, black, French guy walks into a bar and takes a dump on a whore who is blowing a midget with no arms or legs.

You can see how I skillfully touched on homophobia, racism, xenophobia, scatology, misogyny, sex, and a nugget midget. I will let the reader determine which of the three characters is passing wind. What was that? Have all three people farting? Why didn’t I think of that? You people are geniuses. I learn so much from you.

Perhaps the writers here should work in tandem with the readers to develop a more democratic comedy style. Instead of having readers merely voting on the humor essays they find the most appealing, we will have them actually build their own jokes from a do-it-yourself menu. Jokes generally have three elements: characters, a situation, and a punch-line. We will supply the building blocks and the readers can make their own jokes. Here are your choices.

1) The Characters
a. A toothless nun with a very flat head
b. A well-hung, transvestite, midget, pizza delivery boy
c. An ageing Eskimo prostitute
d. A fat pedophile with a monkey’s head stuck in his butt
e. A priest chasing an alter boy hobbled by his pants around his ankles

2) The Situation
a. walks into a gay amputee bar
b. is lying on an emergency room gurney surrounded by a Mexican family wearing clown suits but no pants
c. is attacked by a gang of Olympic figure skating judges armed with an assortment of marital aids
d. runs barefoot across a blisteringly hot adult video store parking lot in front of a stalled church bus
e. is thrown into a prison cell with a 6’4,” 285 pound Aryan Nation leader who is dressed in a Little Mermaid outfit


3) The Punch-line
a. “You’re scared? After I sodomize and kill you I have to walk back by myself.”
b. “Hey shut up, you asshole; that’s how my dad died.”
c. “I can’t kill him yet: I need the feces.”
d. “He’s been dead for a week but we don’t have the heart to tell her to get off of him.”
e. “Rectum? It damn near killed him.”

As you can see, there lacks a bit of elucidation between parts two and three to tie it all together, but I’m sure that our readers can fill this void with their own wonderful imaginations. Instead of using the comment section to tell us how much we suck, the readers can construct their own jokes from the menu that changes daily, thus taking charge of their own humor destiny.