CEOs in Prison

It looks like the American criminal justice system has finally grown a set of balls big enough to put away corporate shit heels for some seriously long stretches. Fuck the pathetic little fines, screw the probation, it’s time to do 25 years, you arrogant, thieving pieces of shit. I’m sure all of these clowns were of the “Failure is not an option” and “either lead, follow, or get the fuck out of my way” school of tough-talking corporate big shots. I’ll bet my entire stock portfolio that this Kozlowski guy will be tea-bagging some big con for a cigarette within five minutes after his cell door closes on him.

I hope that Kenneth Lay is using all of his pretrial time to practice sticking progressively larger items in his rectum, because their won’t be any time for practice once he goes off to jail. I hope the cons develop some new and improved form of sodomy and name it “Enron.”

I’m sure these CEOs were all good law and order Republicans. You also know that all of these turds were on board for the “three strikes and you’re out” laws wherein some pathetic illegal alien goes to jail for life for stealing a couple Disney videos from K-mart because he had two prior convictions. True story.

They probably applauded every time they read about some miserable fuck going to prison for 10-20 years for selling drugs. Call me a hippie but I think that it is worse to fleece your own employees out of their retirement savings than to sell someone some weed. Ironically, there are probably a bunch of people contemplating a career in the dope dealing industry to finance their penniless retirement, thanks to their bosses looting the company.

Guys, now it’s your turn to fill a prison bunk for at least the better part of a decade. No Michael Milken-type six month stretches at the health club for Republican felons. I only wish that these criminals could serve time in the hard federal prisons where they send drug dealers. You have to believe that hard time would serve as a deterrent to future CEOs who are thinking of making a mess of the company they are running.

The sad thing is that there are thousands of slightly lesser villains out there who fleeced their stockholders and it was all perfectly legal—barely. The sad thing is that all of this investment could have gone to further America’s standing in the world of technology and communications, but instead went into the pockets of a few hyper-greedy thugs. Just think about those $5,000 shower curtains and the multi-million dollar birthday parties for your whore wife while you sit in prison.