National Boycott Fake Tits Week

March 31 through April 4 is the first annual Boycott Fake Tits Week sponsored by Leftbanker and General Mills Foods. Boycott Fake Tits Week has come about because American society has lost its mind over women with surgically-enhanced bazooms. Breast implantation is a painful and expensive process that attempts to instill a sense of self worth and self esteem in women who are trying to enter the exciting world of pornography or the slimier, more demeaning world of light beer commercials.

The Chinese bound women’s feet, certain African tribes put plates in people’s lips or stretched people’s necks, and Amazonians cover their bodies in tattoos in order to make the human body conform to their culture’s weird idea of beauty. Our society is no more sophisticated than these misguided cultures simply because our witch doctors have the letters MD after their names. Breast implantation is a completely phony snake oil sale to a very stupid and unconscious public. It is a mutilation of the female body in an attempt to blow some sparks into the dying embers of 21rst century male libido.

What is wrong with our society when we feel more and more that the only means to our human physical ideal is through surgery? Practically every Hollywood starlet has fake jugs. It is as if we are saying that anything less than enormous boobs is a flaw to be corrected like crooked teeth. Just because our medical science can now perform a sort of miracle of the loaves in the breast department does not mean that I as a man need to feel that women with five mile per hour safety bumpers attached to their chests are more attractive than naturally endowed women.

I find the current state of using women with fake boobs to sell everything from bad beer to fast food to be demeaning to men. Advertisers don’t speak for me. We are under such intense bombardment from marketers that most people give in to it simply out of exhaustion and exasperation. It is time for people to wake up and examine the culture of marketing that has a greater influence over their lives than they would ever care to admit to.

What can you do to participate in Boycott Fake Tits Week? If you are a woman don’t undergo breast enhancement surgery. Take the money you were going to spend on the jugs and spend a month in Italy or take tap dance lessons. No matter how much attention the fake boobs will send your way they won’t make you more interesting.

Guys can stop buying shitty beer like Coors Light simply because they have girls with big fake ones in their ads.

Plastic surgeons that specialize in female body mutilation: Get real jobs. Do some good for society like cleaning public toilets or building schools.