1. Take a long walk at a landfill.
2. Write your name in the fresh snow with diarrhea.
3. Savor the joyous laughter of children after you push their dad* down some stairs.
4. Take a nice hot bath in a home you’re robbing, and don't be afraid to tell the victims tied up in a closet that even with their mouths covered with duct tape, their desperate pleas for help are messing with your karma.
5. Limit other people’s screen time by stealing their phones.
6. Slow dance with a total (and currently terrified) stranger on a crowded bus.
7. Give your hostage a back rub.
8. Sure, mass shootings are horrible, but so is keeping your emotions all bottled up.
*Would “grandfather” be funnier here?
