What if I suddenly found myself living somewhere other than Spain?
What would I miss about life here? That is the wrong question because I would
miss almost everything about living here. I’d need to narrow down the
parameters somewhat, like asking myself, "What things would absolutely break my heart to live
without?"
How could I possibly live without the Spanish corner bar? Like
fingerprints and snowflakes they’re all alike yet different in subtle ways. And like an FBI fingerprint expert I’ve spent many years studying these
differences. I’ve become, if not a connoisseur, then at least an inspired amateur
on the subject. In my exhaustive investigation into Spanish bars, I’ve developed
my own set of rules and insights which I feel I should share with the world.
Here is a very abridged list of reasons why I go to certain bars.
- If people are nice to me when I go into their bar, I feel an
overwhelming obligation to return. When I first arrived being “nice” simply meant
listening to my bad Spanish, but now this means people have to listen to me pontificate
on shit like the Catalan independence movement or why they should monitor off-sides
electronically and get rid of the line judges.
- A good terrace is the easiest bait if you want to lure me into your
place. Tables with shade in the summer and sun in the winter are always
welcome. Sitting outside is something bordering on a basic right among people
in Spain, no matter the weather. I love reading at a café and I enjoy the hum
of the background noise.
-
The clientele can be a deciding factor when choosing a hangout, but
this rarely is a concern when you’re just popping in for a coffee or a quick
beer in the afternoon.
-
A big reason why you may want to stop in for something in a bar is
to use the bathroom. Public bathrooms are in short supply so if you find
yourself out in the street when nature calls, the corner bar is the best
alternative to getting arrested for urinating in public.
-
Almost all football matches in Spain are on pay channels that most
of us lowly slobs don’t have at home. If it weren’t for football matches in
bars I’d never see most of my friends.
-
I use this excuse for going to a bar less than almost every human
in Valencia, but most bars have wifi. I’m one of the few people who don’t feel
compelled to look at the internet when I close the door of my apartment and
enter out into the world.
-
Coffee. I have never understood why they have Starbucks here in
Valencia when you can get great coffee almost anywhere (several Starbucks here have closed their doors).
-
Food is way down the list for me when it comes to reasons I go to
cafés simply because I don’t eat out much. With that said, a bar with a great
looking tortilla de patatas earns my respect.
- Beer, wine, brandy, gin and tonics, rum, and other alcohol-based
beverages are one of my top reasons to go to bars.
- In Spanish they call it climatización
which means heat and air conditioning—two things I don’t have at home. Valencia
has beautiful weather where these comforts are rarely needed so this excuse is
only valid for about four weeks a year. The good news is—as you have been reading—I
have a lot of reasons for going to bars.
